My best friend informed me that her friend’s daughter is shooting up. I told her to let the mother know, but she doesn’t want to get involved. 

I’m afraid for this young girl’s life. I want to tell the mother but my friend asked me not to betray her confidence.

I only see this mother occasionally at a school function and we usually just say hello.

I’m torn. I know I’ll lose my best friend if I speak up and I’m unsure of what the mother’s reaction will be, but I really feel an obligation to tell.

If my daughter were to get involved in something like this, I’d be appreciative of someone letting me know.

Doesn’t it take a village to raise a child?

- Losing a Friend

You already know the right thing to do. Take the mother aside at the first opportunity, and gently tell her you heard a disturbing rumour regarding her daughter’s well-being. Ask to have a moment of her time alone. 

When you convey the message, tell her you realize it could be false, but, if true, it’s so dangerous for her daughter, you’re sure she’ll want to investigate further herself. It’s possible that your best friend will be angry at you… but you already see that she lacks the social responsibility you believe in.

Hopefully, if this child is helped, your friend will appreciate that “not getting involved,” means anyone’s children can be knowingly left in harm’s way, her own included.

This girl’s mother may also not thank you for such news. That’s not what matters. Tell her that if the information is false, she and her daughter need to find out who started the rumour.

When my daughter, 12, was born, I gave up my job of 15 years; I lost touch with friends, and spent all my time with my child. 

My husband and I stopped sharing a room as she slept with me for the first couple of years and he had to get up early. We never got back together although we live together.

Now I’m 53 and don’t know if I can get the feeling back. We have no extended family.

I’d hoped to make some friends at the children’s play groups but that didn’t work. My daughter is now starting to distance herself from me, wanting to see kids her own age. I know this is normal but I find myself getting hurt very easily by her.

I’m afraid of how lonely I’ll become. I’m crying a lot.

Financially, I don’t really need to work but I guess I’d feel better about myself if I did, I just don’t know what to do.

- Unhappy Mom

You’re in a normal transition period from being needed as a hands-on Mom, to taking on the role of parental guide to an adolescent, then teen. Your daughter needs you to be confident and wise, not sad and lonely. 

Start looking after yourself: See your doctor since you’re at an age of hormonal changes that could be affecting your moods. Join activities that will help you feel fit and possibly introduce you to new friends – e.g. a dance class, a gym, any sport.

Seek a part-time job in your former field or try something completely new, perhaps volunteering – it will bring more schedule and purpose into your life, and since finances aren’t a huge need, you can do anything that catches your interest or has the best schedule for your needs.

How does someone get past their loved one’s having bare-face lied to them? 

How can that someone ever trust anything that person tells them, ever after?

- Living Full of Doubts

Some people never regain trust in a person who lied to them. If that’s the case for you, it’s better to end a relationship with a loved one you find untrustworthy, than to live with persistent suspicions. 

Otherwise, you may end up questioning every move of the other person, snooping for evidence, and constantly feeling insecure and resentful.

However, IF your loved one recognizes the harm of having lied, and apologizes - and does everything to prove sincerity – don’t waste your emotional energy and keep stressing yourself by continuing to doubt this person.

An atmosphere of distrust makes for a miserable life for everyone involved, and can result in a self-fulfilling prophecy by eventually pushing your loved one away.