Five years ago, my wife cheated on me; she told me the next day, was distraught, swore it only happened the once and happened because she thought I was cheating on her. 

I wasn’t, I was working too much.

I was heartbroken and asked her to leave which she eventually did. But I soon realized that not only did I still love her but that I could forgive her.

It was too late; she’d moved away and refused contact for years with the exception of one conversation.

I dated a few girls and have been living with my current girlfriend for three years. I love her; we’re successful in our relationship and financially as never before... BUT... I cannot stop thinking about my now ex-wife.

I don’t think there’s any point in trying to repair the past relationship as I’ve heard she’s moved on and even had a child.

How do I forget about her?

We’ve been apart five years and I still have our wedding photos in my office drawer. Is it fair to stay in my current relationship?

I’ve never cheated on her but feel I’m cheating with my heart because it still belongs to another.

- Heartsick

If you’re able to stand the potential rejection, contact your ex one more time. Say that you think about her constantly and realize you acted too hastily in the past; and if she’s moved on happily you wish her well and wanted a final conversation to hopefully clear the air. 

If she still has feelings for you, that’ll be the time she might speak up. More likely, she’ll blow you away, so don’t be surprised.

Then, you can focus on your future. This persistent yearning has to do with ending that chapter of your life, and can be used wisely. It reminds you to put a priority on your relationship, work at it, recognize when you’re putting it at risk, and don’t judge your partner before weighing all the circumstances.

Learn from the past, rather than wallow in it.

Last summer I met a guy with whom I had a strong connection, and by the end of August we were inseparable. He moved over four hours from where I live, to attend university, but continued communication. Periodically, he’d return home and we’d spend time together. 

However, for two months, communication ceased because I learned he had a girlfriend there. Then he suddenly came back into my life.

We’ve hung out a few times and communication is back on. Yet there’s no “official” boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and I believe he doesn’t feel the same way I do about him.

I’m afraid I’ve have become a glorified “booty call”, which is something I REALLY don’t want to be.

There’ve been lies in the past about his relationship status.

Is it worth it to confront him with my feelings or should I just end things for good?

- Disappointed

Hold back the “booty,” and you’ll soon know what kind of relationship you really have with this guy. That’s a truer test than a verbal confrontation in which he can again deceive you, or flatter you, fudge the answer, or continue to string you along. 

There’s nothing “glorified” about being used for sexual recreation by someone for whom you hold higher feelings and hopes. So just say “no” to sex, in a firm but still-friendly way, and see if Mr. Drop-In still maintains contact.

If not, don’t waste any more time on him.

I’m an English as Second Language (ESL) teacher for adults, and come from a visible minority. 

Many people at school mistake me for a student, in a rude way. Example: One said there was a teacher’s meeting soon and I should leave the room.

I dress professionally and have a professional manner. How can I let people know that these comments cause me to feel a lack of belonging in the teaching community at this school?

- Offended

Ask your school principal or supervisor to introduce you to the staff, by email as well as in person at a teachers’ meeting. 

Be forthright when you see other teachers and extend your hand with an introduction, as in “Hi, I’m new on staff, my name is…”

While these people were rude and presumptuous, it was unlikely to be purposeful, just ignorant. Rise above them, show them what true professionalism looks like – which is, classy.