I care about my boyfriend of four months, but don’t know if I can go on. Though he was initially so affectionate, and said wonderful things to me, he started changing two months ago. He doesn’t show affection anymore, or he’ll poke, pinch, and slap in a “playful” manner.  

I’ve asked him to stop, told him he’s hurting me and have asked him to show certain affections toward me. This becomes degrading and is hurting my self-esteem.

He says he loves me, he talks about being together in the future, then other times he’ll say that he’s not certain.

If I pull away, he starts to come back to me but mostly I feel I’m being taken for granted.

I try to consider his feelings, help him out by lending him my car, etc.

He has trouble in the bedroom, but refuses to seek help even though I’ve said I’d be there to support him.

I think a lot of his indecision stems from this.

Am I wasting my time?

- Disappointed

Yes, you’re having to give too much when there are too many problems so early in the relationship. 

His indecision about a future with you puts you in the position of supplicant, waiting for him to choose you… that’s the wrong place to be, contributing to your feeling insecure.

His poking and other physical jabs are more worrisome: if that’s what he’s doing in the so-called wooing stages, what kind of “playful” hurting comes later.

His bedroom problems obviously have him frustrated, but it’s an issue he needs to deal with, and want to deal with, before you get in deeper.

He may have psychological problems with sex, he may not be as into you as he says, or he may not be into women in general.

Back away, and let him work out his own situation before you re-assess whether he’s worth the time.

I’m a lesbian student, 17, in love with my former English teacher, who’s married. I constantly walk the halls hoping to see her, and when I do bump into her, I feel it’s what I woke up in the morning for. 

All I can do is think about her, and I know it’s wrong but I can’t help this feeling. I know it can never be, but I can’t shake this feeling.

No one knows about how I feel, and I’m not even sure my teacher knows either, though sometimes I think she does.

What should I do and how can I get over this?

- Obsessed

It’s not uncommon for students to have a crush on a teacher, whether homosexual or otherwise. Later teenage years are a crossroads for many, as the body matures and emotions run high, while still working out a comfort with sexuality and wanting someone to love. 

You’re not alone in finding this a confusing, sometimes obsessive time.

Nevertheless, think of the consequences of being thought of as a stalker. This teacher is likely very aware that you parade the halls looking for her; and sees your reaction when you spot her. You’re risking her taking action due to a natural concern both for your well-being as well as her own.

Cool it.

Recognize that the crush is compelling because there’s no hope, it’s a fantasy.

But the reality can cause trouble for you. Start focusing on your friendships and schoolwork more and keep yourself too busy to constantly daydream.

My girlfriend of several years and I are planning getting married while on vacation this summer. We’re not inviting our families and are informing them of our plans just several weeks prior.  

We’d like to avoid the questions and hoopla that surround weddings.

We plan on having a party with friends and family after we return, sometime in the fall.

What’s the etiquette/procedure for this situation?

- Confused Couple

Forget etiquette and think through how to elope with as little hurt to parents and siblings as possible. Most will understand valid reasons, such as financial constraints, but some will balk at not being able to join you for a few days, just to be present at the ceremony. Especially if you make any exceptions, e.g. a best friend. 

If you go ahead with this plan, speak up about the party immediately and include some way for parents and siblings to be honoured.