I’m a beautiful, single, 30-something with a promising career, but unhappy; my evil older cousin, a wealthy entrepreneur, stole and married the handsome prince-charming, my ex-boyfriend. I’ve been trying to avoid them for 10 years, but we live just blocks from each other.
Her husband irritates me at family functions with long stares, and saying how beautiful I am in front of everyone. He corners me and tries to hit on me.
People say he married her for a comfortable life.
How do I deal with it and move forward?
- So Sad
Drop the fairy-tale princess cloak; this is real life, and your guy married your cousin 10 years ago. He’s keeping a hook in you, because a) it’s more fun for him than apologizing or feeling guilty, and b) because you let him annoy you, and you show it.
You need some down-to-earth strategies: When you must attend a family event, bring your most co-operative friend along (male or female) and stay closely connected; this isn’t about creating jealousy or rumours, it’s about support.
A close cousin would be the most perfect companion, if you have one.
Avoid non-essential family do’s… you give the impression of sometimes tormenting yourself over this pair, by even going where they’re present.
Make the occasional sighting of this couple the least important part of your life. They deserve each other, and you deserve better… you may not be an imaginary Princess, but he IS a common jerk.
My wife (married 19 years, with two children) had developed some female issues after giving birth, which prevented her from wanting sex. We’ve not had sex for 13 years – I’ve tried but been rejected.
She thinks that most couples who’ve been married for awhile don’t have sex.
We started counselling, but she refused to go once the sex issue was raised.
She refuses to try anything and gets angry when I do.
I’ve stayed with her for the sake of our children, but our relationship is one like brother/sister.
I’m contemplating finding a girlfriend because I miss having intimate feelings with a female partner, although I don’t want to leave my kids.
My wife and I get along as friends, don’t fight and put up with each other.
I don’t know if she’d even care if I got a girlfriend.
- Very depressed in Chicago.
There are unanswered questions which you need to explore with your wife and possibly through her doctor, too: Does her disinterest in sex really stem from a medical/health situation and if so, is there any available treatment; or has it been strictly her choice to not have sex?
If the latter, then it’s time to tell her you can’t continue this way. You’d like to seek a romantic partner, but do not want to separate.
If she can accept such an arrangement, your platonic marriage can carry on longer. That puts her in the same position as you’ve been placed – you’ll both need to assess what you can live with and what you cannot.
I predict you’re at a turning point, because, if you do find someone to share intimacy with you, you won’t be happy with half a loaf. From my perspective, your marriage isn’t really working, it’s just surviving so far.
Also, your kids are now old enough to sense there’s disunity, when emotions are involved – which means teenage trouble ahead.
Get the facts on her missing sex drive, and speak up.
I’m about to sign a contract with a professional match maker. I’ve approached three private companies and decided to move forward with one – costing $12,000-to-$20,000 for the contract and their services.
I’ve tried everything else. Am I crazy?
- Beautiful, Shy and Confused
Read the fine print. Then read it again, hopefully with a friend who’s got some good legal and/or business smarts.
Do “services” include background and credit checks, employer references? How many matches are “guaranteed?” At what point is the connection up to the matchmaker, or up to you?
Decide how comfortable you are with paying out that much money, if there’s no result.
Frankly, I’d think the money is better spent on professional counselling that helps you explore why “trying everything” hasn’t worked. After all, they can only supply dates; you have to have the necessary attitude and skills for a relationship to develop and last.
Tip of the day:
Don’t turn a negative experience into a lifelong saga of woe; real life is what you make of it.
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