My relationship of four years has been a roller-coaster from hell. 

How can I put my point across if I can’t say anything about our relationship? I can’t even send a look, she’s so controlling. It’s her way or nothing. She gets all offended and upset. And if we made plans, suddenly we’re not going.

I think she feels guilty – she says she messed around twice since we’re together, but I know there were more than four times.

I saw a counsellor who said we’re not meant for each other. But I just want to know how I can have my say without always saying “‘Sorry.” She makes me feel everything’s my fault.

- Kept Mute

Find your voice or find the door. 

Her attempts to control everything indicate great insecurity. Her occasional cheating also indicates that she’s restless, even unstable.

You’ve stuck by her, but if you can’t get a word in edgewise despite your loyalty, what’s the point of hanging on?

Give it one last effort – instead of a “look” or making a point, tell her you love her and want to stay together but need to be an equal partner.

OR – and make this clear – she can rule the roost on her own. If you don’t speak up this way, you’ll be frustrated for a lot longer, and likely leave in the end, anyway.

Two years ago, when visiting my husband’s family, his step-dad reached into my shirt when no one was looking and grabbed my breasts. Shocked, I did and said nothing. 

I’ve avoided him (they live fours away) and had been successful until the birth of our daughter, now nine-months.

His mom is anxious to visit often and I don’t dare leave that dirt-bag unattended around my daughter.

I told my husband what happened after he noticed that I drank heavily when they were around.

When they recently planned to stay with us for several days, I finally told my mother-in-law what happened and said they could only visit for the day. She spoke to him, and said he expressed remorse, said it wouldn’t happen again and that I needed to get over it. He blamed me for letting it fester so long.

I suggested they stay at a hotel; she refused. My husband didn't back me. They stayed over one night; I was hugely stressed.

I no longer drink but wonder what to do in the future.

- Angry at All Three

It’s your husband’s responsibility to protect both his daughter and his wife. This was a violation, not just a joke or passing indiscretion. Anyone who acted so inappropriately and so boldly will do it again, especially to someone whom he thinks won’t or can’t tell.  

Your husband must warn his stepfather, that if he touches you or the child, he’ll contact authorities.

However, he and you owe it to his mother to try to help her see her grandchild. You can have mutual visits for a few hours at a time – never leaving him alone with the girl. Or your husband can pick his Mom up and bring her on her own for longer stays.

It’s no longer a totally relaxed situation to handle, but that’s the result of this stepfather’s misdemeanor, and no one else’s fault.

His Mom may not like the results, but it’s a reality you all need to work around – including how she deals with her husband privately over this.

How do you deal with someone who thinks he knows everything about psychology? This person has been in therapy and read some books, now he thinks he’s an expert on the subject though he lacks the most crucial ability – the art of listening. 

If someone says, I’m happy, he insists he can see that the person is unhappy and needs to face it.

He’s been told that his amateur diagnoses are unwelcome but refuses to stop telling people what their problems are. He’s losing family and friends.

- Stumped

Change the subject, change the circumstances, and if necessary, change the company … even if it means avoiding him. 

Even if this is a good friend, you may have to pull away for a while, till he recognizes why.

If he’s your partner, say you’ll be seeing a registered therapist with real credentials, to learn how to handle him… and do so, if nothing else works.