After two years as friends, my girlfriend and I became a couple this past August… then I left town for university, and we didn’t have time to do much together, not even intimate relations. 

So recently, I visited her and stayed overnight; we had sex. Since then, she’s not saying all the stuff she used to say, and explained, “I’m getting bored.”

She’s 18; I’m 19.

She said that when she was at a party recently, she was drunk and high and made out with a guy but felt completely miserable. She wants to “take a break” – with the rule that we don’t date others… to see if we need to move on or just need “space.”

This is my first relationship and her fourth. She said she previously always had commitment issues, but now wanted a serious relationship.

I love her, but I don’t understand all this.

- Confused

She’s following her pattern to withdraw when things get more involved. That’s common for someone still in her teens, and especially in a long-distance relationship. She may’ve wanted a serious boyfriend at the start, but is not ready for a long-term commitment. 

Take that “break” - it’s good for both of you. Be prepared that one of you WILL start wanting to date others, since you’re both going to be meeting new people while apart, and have opportunities to get to know them better.

Suggest that her “rule” is only a guideline; if either of you does want to date someone, you’ll contact each other and say so, with no “guilt” involved. That’s only fair, and realistic.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year but recently discovered a disturbing email he wrote to a long-ago ex-girlfriend. 

She’d asked him why his MySpace profile had been changed to “married” and he lied that it was “to deter spam.”

Actually, I’d asked him to change it out of respect for me.

He also told the girl that he missed her, couldn’t stop thinking about her and her sexy body, and suggested they hang out sometime.

I know it was wrong to read his private messages but I’m glad I did. When confronted, he lied, then admitted it was a lapse in judgment and an isolated incident.

I’m still hurt that he hid his communication with his ex. I have trust issues due to past relationships and find it difficult to get past this.

He’s suggested going to couples counselling. But I still can’t get over his doing this when he claims he’s 100 per cent happy with what we have.

- Hurt

When a boyfriend of one year apologizes for bad judgment and offers to go to counselling, he’s serious and showing commitment. 

Yes, he acted foolishly with that email note, and deserved your reaction… but unless you feel he’s incapable of not repeating that behaviour, don’t carry on about it further.

Instead, go to counselling with him. You need it as much as he does, for your trust issues. The reality is, everyone who’s ever had a relationship go bad, usually ends up with some level of wariness or distrust in their next situation.

But if the past impedes you from having understanding, accepting apologies, and letting go of incidents, then you need professional help to reveal what else has made you so insecure.

Your guy is willing to expose his weaknesses to a therapist to prove he wants to work on your relationship. If you can’t accept this, it’s best for both of you to break up now.

My sister, after being alone for 20 years, married a childhood friend. The problem is his constant drinking; he doesn’t want to do things as a couple. 

She’s on her own every evening; and whenever she goes to events or visits family out of town, she goes alone or with her daughter and granddaughter.

She’s had a past medical problem but fears the stress from his drinking will trigger it again.

- A concerned sister

Sisterly support is important, but one thing she doesn’t need is judgment: She knows perfectly well that her husband’s drinking is causing her to be lonely and stressed, and needs to decide how to handle it herself. 

One good move would be to accompany her to a local Al-Anon meeting, so you can both meet other families who deal with problem drinkers. Peer support and discussing others’ responses to similar situations can be very helpful.