What is the proper etiquette for having vegetarian guests for Christmas dinner? My wife's daughter expects us to prepare a separate dinner for her.

My position is, we’ll try and accommodate neutral plates but she should either supply her own main course, or contribute to the workload.

Her response is, you wouldn't expect any other guest to work, so why should she.

My answer: if you want your “veggie cake, and eat it too” shouldn’t you show the same consideration when we visit your house?

- Turkey Traditionalist

Gobble gobble – I’m hearing more resentment than negotiation.

Remember: 1) The occasion is about celebrating and sharing good will, not about winning your point. 2) You’re all a family, so you need to get over being polarized about each other’s choices and find a mutually agreed compromise.

Your stepdaughter would be more interested in helping out if you invited her over to join you in the cooking and show you how to make some vegetarian dishes.

Also, do ask some of your guests to bring a dessert or a side dish - it adds to the group sense of enjoyment, and saves the hosts from overwork (which may be affecting your attitude).

She may not be making meat/fish dishes in her home for you, because many vegetarians cannot tolerate being involved in the eating of them.

Or, she may be hoping you’d show some interest in her lifestyle.

I’m 29, and the man of my dreams, is only 22. We’ve been together one year and most of our friends and family are fine with the age difference.

He’s now talking about getting married and having kids.

I have two boys from previous relationships, and was once married to a verbally and emotionally abusive man.

I’m scared of going down that road again, although my boyfriend is a generous, loving man who’d never hurt me.

Should I take the plunge?

- Cold feet

Take your time.

This has to do with you being certain he’s ready to take on the responsibilities of being a step dad to your sons, as well as a husband and father. That’s a big load of instant pressure for any guy, so you need to see how he handles stress over time.

So far, you’re the older woman who’s in charge of her kids and household… you need to assess how he’ll handle sharing those jobs, expenses, etc.

As for his age, it may not matter if he brings maturity to all of the above. But his life experience isn’t up to yours, so you need to help him by being clear about your expectations of his role with your children, and with their fathers.

You also need to share your fears with him from your previous abuse, so he’ll know how wary you are of specific triggers.

Before you agree to marry, make sure you both know how to fight fairly, because even the man of your dreams will sometimes oppose you.

My boss hired me with a contract stating certain conditions (no union involved).

Though I love my job, the amount of travel is increasing, contrary to the contract.

- Concerned

Ask why there’s more travel than expected, and remind your boss of your agreement. If the problem continues, write a memo about it and keep a record of each infraction on file.

Eventually, you’ll need to discuss this with the lawyer who helped you on the contract (if it’s a company lawyer, see someone who’s outside the firm).

-I recently became a grandmother; it was a great occasion as my daughter had lost a baby the year before.

I’d always thought that the women I played bridge with for 10 years, were my close friends. However, they didn’t give a gift (which I truly didn’t want) nor even send a card.

Are they sending me a message of some sort?

- Deeply Hurt

It IS possible that the women have planned something that hasn’t yet been delivered. Time will tell.

But unless they personally congratulated you soon after, they certainly should’ve sent a card by now.

If you’re the first in the group to reach this new life stage, you might gently educate them about how hugely heartwarming and worth celebrating it feels to be a grandparent - especially for the first time.

But if they’ve experienced that, and ignored the event for you, they’re colder than close.