I’d like to share my success story to hopefully help others:

After enduring 14 years of molestation (my father), and two failed marriages (serial cheaters), I gave myself the gift of learning to live alone.

I got counseling and did deep thinking about my baggage, for seven years. Then I felt ready to date again.

I tried numerous dating websites, met many unsuitable men, but kept trying.

Three years later, I met a man through online dating who seemed too good to be true. We chatted online every night and finally met for lunch at a public place.

Four years later, we’re married and I’m being treated so much better than I ever thought possible.

Long-term counseling, together with understanding the "junk" I was bringing to a relationship, finally made "me" suitable for a truly wonderful man.

What It Takes

Congratulations on your personal growth and happiness with your mate. But as a cautionary tale for readers, I add this advice:

1) Molestation is sexual abuse, and a crime. Even if the perpetrator is your father, a relative, or friend, you should tell someone who can help you, and it should be reported to the police.

If you can’t tell a relative or are disbelieved, tell your teacher, principal, or school guidance counselor.

2) If you grow up with heavy emotional baggage, get to a professional therapist on your own, as soon as possible.

Even if you’re functioning well, personal “junk” hangs around deep inside, and makes long-term personal relationships far more difficult.

Counselling can help you build the confidence to insist on only accepting healthy, supportive relationships.

3) If you find true love, embrace it. But value yourself as highly as your partner, no matter your past.

I’m a happily married stay-at-home mom of two. I cook all meals, take the kids to all their activities, and I play with them - paint, build Lego, etc. They don’t yet play alone.

My husband gets frustrated with me because I don’t tidy up. Laundry won’t be put away for a couple of weeks, kitchen’s a mess as the dishes I clean aren’t put back in shelves.

It’s the “putting things away” I can never get to. I am exhausted.

But my husband does not appreciate that I build things. I rebuild furniture and put up new shelving systems, re-design our closets, add garage-organizing shelving units, etc.

I love shoveling snow, cutting grass, maintaining an organic garden, and cooking healthy meals from scratch.

My husband really gets annoyed, but I take pleasure in building things or doing physically challenging work.

I feel he should show more appreciation for what I DO, as opposed to NOT do. I’ve always been like this.

Should I see a doctor for ADHD, or focus on the things I AM good at and hire a cleaning lady?

Mom the Builder

Hire a cleaning lady with the money you’re saving on carpenters, babysitters, pre-school fees, etc.

No wonder you’re exhausted!! You do the work of at least three people, but don’t get the emotional lift of appreciation.

It seems your husband doesn’t really know YOU since you’ve always been this way.

IF you truly feel you have ADHD, do see a doctor for an opinion.

But your husband also needs to see that you bring many skills and advantages to the household and your children, and there are inexpensive ways to make up for what’s not done as often.

Also, even a guy who works all day can put away the laundry and clean dishes. Many do.

What’s the correct role of a grandparent? Many of my friends are still working, are active in the community and with other interests, yet still busily involved with their grandkids. We drive kids to activities, babysit when needed, and help financially if our adult children are struggling.

We all know other grandparents who have a been-there-done-that attitude, and they say that we’re knocking ourselves out foolishly.

Love Being Granny

There’s no mandated role though there’s often need. Do what you love - enjoy your grandchildren, no matter what others don’t do. Just be sure to conserve your energy and good health, so you can be around long and strong…. for yourself, as well as for others.

Involved grandparents also gain benefits - great satisfaction from being with young people, sharing knowledge and experience, and being loved and appreciated in return. As for those who don’t feel that way, it’s their choice, their business.