A group of my female first cousins and I have been informally getting together for 10 years outside of wider family social functions. The problem I have relates to two half-sisters in the group, I’ll refer to as A and B.  They do not get along, as in, they do not talk to each other.

I have always maintained that since they are both my cousins, if I host an event, I invite both and they can work out how they feel about that on their own.  Except when we were invited for lunch to celebrate my mother’s birthday (often arranged by A), I have declined invitations because B was not invited.  Cousin C, who is close with cousin A, does not include B in any of her invitations either.

Fast forward to the last several months when A invited C, me and our significant others to dinner.  We decided that we should take turns doing this moving forward.  So, C hosted the next dinner, and she invited two other cousins, but not B.

Now it’s my turn to host a dinner. Since C invited all first cousins except B, I feel I need to include B in my invitation, especially if I'm including the others which I don't necessarily have to do.  If I do invite all the cousins, I’m not sure if I should tell A ahead of time that I’ve invited her sister as I know she’ll be angry and might not attend.  I’d like your take on the situation.

Cousin Crunch

Lucky you to have such a large group of female cousins to hang out with! The estranged relationship between A and B, though it makes get-togethers complicated, is between them. So, I respect and appreciate your decision to include them both, if you’re hosting, and let them work it out between themselves.

For this dinner, I suggest you invite whoever you so choose, including BOTH A and B, and their significant others. I do NOT think you need to tell A ahead of time; however, I do suggest you be transparent about whom you’ve invited. Therefore, I would send a group email as an invitation, then everyone can see who is invited. If you’re inviting by text, or WhatsApp, make a group chat, including all the invitees.

If you are personally calling everyone individually, then yes, you would need to casually mention to both A and B that their half-sister has ALSO been invited. Let them figure out who will attend, and who won’t, or if they can manage to be at the same table at the same time, amicably. And if A chooses not to attend, it’s her loss.

Last night, while eating pizza and watching “Dancing with the Stars,” my boyfriend told me he thinks we should break up. I almost choked on my food! I had no idea that he was remotely having second thoughts about our relationship.

I asked him to leave and called my sister. She came right over, without even asking why, which I thought was odd, but didn’t focus on. However, as soon as she arrived, she seemed to know why I called.

Turns out that my boyfriend called her to discuss his feelings last week! He made her promise not to say anything after she made HIM promise to think it over for another week.

Where’s her loyalty?

Disappointed Sis

I see your point, but in this case, give your sister the benefit of the doubt. She was obviously hoping that he would change his mind, so if she had told you, it would have just been upsetting.

Her loyalty is to you, evident in that she raced over without hesitation to comfort and console you. Accept her love.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man who wants to travel and his wife doesn’t (Aug. 6):
Reader – “While I agree with all your comments to get his wife more involved, I don’t see why there wasn’t a suggestion that maybe he could take a two-week trip here and there on his own or on a tour. My husband didn’t feel well enough to travel but he was fine with me travelling with my sister, even by myself. I needed it and he had his sports on TV and was happy at home.

“I wasn’t abandoning him. It gave us something to talk about when I got back!  And I was much happier.  He did what he wanted, and I got a little treat twice a year. He even helped me pick out places to go. An armchair traveller.

“I think this man will hold resentment if he doesn’t go anywhere.”

Lisi – You’re probably right. Thanks for sharing.