My daughter and son-in-law are looking to buy their first house. It just so happens that a house is available down the street from me and my wife. It’s a great house, affordable and one they can easily grow in. I’m just worried that they’ll hate living so close to us. I’m also worried that by living so close to us, they’ll expect more from us.
I don’t know, I just don’t think it’s a great idea. What do you think?
Too Close?
A lot depends on your relationship with your daughter and your relationship with her husband, and your wife’s relationship with each. If she and your daughter are close, then they probably love the idea. I would have loved to live on the same street as my mom.
I think it would be healthy to have a discussion before they make the purchase, to discuss the realities of living so close together. It would be very healthy if you could all be as honest as possible. Better now than after the fact. Your wife may say she has an open-door policy, and you may say, except on Thursday nights when I have the guys over for poker. Or whatever.
Lay it all out now. But at the end of the day, it’s their decision whether they want the house, regardless of your thoughts on the location.
A friend of mine, dating back 20 years, just sent me a text ending our friendship. He said he was tired of hearing me complain and he was tired of hearing me brag. He never married, never had kids and sold a company very early on that allowed him to retire. That the company was handed to him by his uncle is another factor, in that, he has never worked a day in his life, never had work stress, never had to worry if he had enough money, for anything.
I was married; had three kids, one who was born with some physical and mental disabilities. Children are very expensive in this city and the one who needed extra care cost us a fortune. We went into huge debt, fought about money all the time and divorced.
I have complained about my financial situation over the years, and I’ve complained about my marriage. He was a very good friend - or so I thought - so I was open with him. I also complained about my child, not out of disrespect or lack of love, but because of all the extra. And yes, when my children would do things I was proud of, or hit milestones, or win awards, I would brag – just like any proud parent.
How am I to react to this friend-divorce?
Unfriending
There is really nothing you can do other than to accept this new situation and the end of this friendship. You can’t beg someone to be your friend. But in all honesty, why would you want to? This person sounds unsympathetic, self-centred and living in Lalaland. He has zero responsibilities, to anyone, and it sounds as though he has zero ambition.
Other than your past, what did you have in common anyway? I’m not suggesting you should have a hate on, but not every friendship is meant to last forever. This person doesn’t sound generous of spirit, kind or compassionate.
Find like-minded friends; those with children, who are married or have been married. People who understand when you can’t go out every night because you need to parent. And who are there to celebrate the wins with you.
Though you may miss him, it’s his choice. And his loss.
FEEDBACK Regarding the cold cottage (Aug. 17):
Reader – “You always find out who your real friends are when the going gets tough. The cottage owner is obviously not a real friend and her true feelings about the writer are quite clear based on her hesitance to offer an invitation to stay past one night. The writer needs to read the room and end this so-called friendship.”
FEEDBACK Regarding invisible seniors (Aug. 5):
Reader – “A lot of seniors are craving attention and communication with others. The friends we’ve known the longest have always been good conversationalists, competing with each other to talk. Anything we had to say was never as exciting and they immediately jumped to their next topic.
“After including them in many things over the years, we now occasionally talk on the phone. Their son is getting married; if we receive an invitation to the wedding, it’ll be awkward, but we can always decline. My husband has health issues and they’ve never offered support.”