My now fiancé and I have lived together since 2022. I sold my home, since it was where my late wife and I lived, and she was divorcing her ex, so we bought a house together. Before doing so, I had a cohabitation agreement written up. She was on board with the idea before we bought. She contributed 25 per cent toward the home and I contributed the rest.

She agreed to pay her portion of the mortgage and utilities. She did so for about 14 months, then stopped without telling me. Of course, I knew from the bank statements since all bills came from our joint account.

But she didn’t discuss with me whatsoever. I let it go for a few months, to see if she would mention it. She didn’t. She also would not, and has still not, signed the cohab agreement.

Despite all of this, we got engaged in May. I asked her to sign this agreement since I have a LOT more money than she does and it’s for my protection. She won’t sign it now and wants a new document, a pre-nup so she feels more cared for. She has investments and contributes $300k towards the home.

I think she has no intention of signing anything unless she sees my will, which currently leaves everything to my three grown daughters. I’m not opposed to including her in my will, but I am concerned that whatever I leave her won’t be enough in her mind.

I’m also concerned since we fight a lot and I’m not sure if the next fight will be the last.

Should I get this pre-nup done or just insist that she signs the current cohab? Or am I leaving?

Too Much Indecision

At no point do you mention anything about love, or any feelings toward this woman whatsoever. What is it about her that makes you think you should get married? The only way you depicted her is as someone with whom you fight a lot, and who is very concerned about their financial future, but also isn’t communicative and doesn’t want to commit.

That’s not the basis for a healthy, loving, long-lasting relationship. I suggest you two talk to a marriage counsellor before you tie the knot. Air your grievances, your concerns, your fears and your expectations. Then, together, I would talk with a financial planner and get their advice on a pre-nup vs. a cohabitation agreement.

Years ago, I worked with two women on a cross-country project. It was difficult at first due to the time zones, but we liked each other increasingly, so made the effort to make our project work. In the end, the project was a huge success, and we were very pleased with ourselves.

We stayed in close contact for about a year, until we finally met to debrief and discuss future projects. I jumped in with both feet, hoping to continue working with these women, and enhancing our relationship.

However, shortly after that meeting, our coast-to-coast conversations became less frequent, and I felt both women pulling away. Last week, while leaving my office for lunch, I passed by a boardroom and saw both women talking to our lead director. Why did our trio become a duo without me?

Left Out

I’m so sorry! That’s not a nice feeling at all. I can’t even guess at what happened, but I can help you move forward. You could talk to your director, calmly, asking for feedback and see if they share. If not, you could ask directly. Just be prepared that you may hear something you don’t like.

Either way, take whatever they say and learn from it. Then move on. Those women weren’t your people.

FEEDBACK Regarding the nose job (July 24):
Reader – “Honesty is important, but privacy is not dishonesty. No one is obligated to explain or justify a cosmetic procedure because others are curious. Perhaps she spent years being teased or bullied and wants to move forward on her own terms, or she just values her privacy. Either way, that choice is hers.

“The real lesson is that we should respect people's boundaries and stop assuming we're entitled to personal information that isn't ours to know.”

Reader #2 – “This reminded of my high school days.  I remember a woman with a large bumpy nose who wanted to have plastic surgery.  She did and the result was a small, turned up nose that didn’t fit in with the rest of her face. We all felt so bad for her, and she wasn’t happy with the result.  The new nose looked terrible. Her original face was quite nice.”