When I was a teenager, I dated a guy that I absolutely loved. We were together for a few years before he cheated on me and we broke up. I was devastated and it took me a long time to get over him. I did eventually meet someone else, fell in love, married and had kids. We were together 12 years before he cheated on me and we divorced.

I admit that throughout all that time, I secretly followed my ex-boyfriend on social media to keep tabs on him. He dated the woman he had cheated with for a very short time and then never seemed to find the right person to last longer than a year or two.

Now that I’m single, I really want to reach out to him. I know he cheated on me, but we were young. I think I’m still in love with him. What do I do?

Got Away

In my opinion, most people deserve a second chance (clearly dependant on why they lost the first chance). You were both young when you dated and when he cheated. That’s not an excuse; cheating is unkind, disrespectful and unnecessary. However, it sounds as though your feelings for this guy were so strong that even through years of loving someone else, he still held a place in your heart.

You could reach out to him, but with little to no expectation. And I would rekindle your friendship – and reinforce that friendship – before even thinking about transitioning to a romantic relationship. Remember this: you have NO IDEA how he feels about you. So, tread lightly.

Also, I feel it’s very important that you talk to him about why he cheated and what that means to a relationship. And you would benefit greatly from speaking to a therapist to understand how you behave in relationships and what you will put up with. Do NOT misunderstand – I am in NO WAY saying you brought on both men cheating and allowed it to happen. But there’s no harm in discussing both your relationships, and both these men, with a therapist to recognize any patterns, if there are any.

How are perimenopausal women supposed to parent teenage daughters? The former suffers from lack of sleep, brain fog and fluctuating hormonal changes, while the latter wages all-out war on every word that doesn’t fit their narrative coupled with fluctuating hormonal changes. The former has the patience of a gnat while the latter has the tenacity of a spider clinging to a web in a rainstorm.

As the husband and father, I have a courtside seat to this battle of the ages. But if I dare to step inside the ring, they BOTH turn on me with the ferocity of twin panthers.

Any advice?

Life Cycles

Oh boy! You are caught in the vortex of these two crazy times in a woman’s life.

Yes, teenage daughters aren’t easy at the best of times. They’re often moody, hormonal and impossible to read. Women going through the stages of perimenopause and menopause experience symptoms such as the inability to fall asleep, stay asleep - and night sweats that prevent sleep. Couple that exhaustion with brain fog and weight fluctuation, that can sometimes lead to depression, and you have an unhappy, cranky mom in battle with a cranky teen.

Take time alone with your wife and ask her how you can help. Talk about your parenting rules and parameters, so you know when to jump in if you see your wife floundering. Support her.

FEEDBACK Regarding cottage rules (July 21):
Reader – “I totally agree regarding making son do the laundry. If no laundry done, then no permission for next weekend.  That’ll get his attention.

“These kids are old enough to understand the basics of contracts and consequences, so maybe draw up a contract for everyone to sign.”

FEEDBACK Regarding AI (May 19; July 21):

Reader – “Had to respond to this comment reprimanding you for suggesting someone use ChatGPT for some personal reasons. These people need to chill out and accept that AI isn’t going anywhere, and good for you for suggesting the use of it in your column.

“I used ChatGPT to help me understand how to deal with a toxic relationship. Once I had a basic understanding, I spoke to a therapist. He was impressed with my knowledge, and my language, and the ability for him to focus on the issue at hand, helping me in far less time.

“Yes, this meant less money for him but helped me save.”