Every night after dinner, my boyfriend goes for a 45-minute walk. He says it helps him sleep, to clear his head, to walk without thinking, and to breathe in some fresh air after a day at his office. He’s a dental intern and is inside all day, looking into people’s mouths.
I understand to a certain degree, however, what I do NOT understand is why I am never invited on this walk, and why he refuses to take the dog with him on this walk. Not only that, but he refuses to allow me to join him so I can take the dog for a walk at the same time!
I also have a busy indoor day job, but I manage to grocery shop on my way home from work, pick up the dog from daycare and usually make dinner. My boyfriend always cleans up from dinner, which is his contribution, but then escapes for his evening walk. When I try to discuss it with him, he becomes defensive and shuts down.
I am becoming increasingly resentful. How do I deal with this situation?
Moonwalk
I have no doubt you are becoming resentful! I am upset for you! This is unfair and unkind behaviour – and somewhat suspicious. Why would your boyfriend insist on being alone, or rather, without you, after spending an entire day without you, while you’re each at your respective jobs? Is he doing something he doesn’t want you to know about? That could be any number of things, from grabbing a Big Mac to smoking a cigar to meeting up with another lover.
I suggest you speak with your boyfriend and tell him how resentful you are becoming from his nightly walks. Ask him point blank if this “me” time of his is more important than you. Pay attention to his response. I can’t tell you whether to trust him or not, whether to believe what he’s telling you or not. I’d love to believe him, for your sake. However, if your gut is telling you that something is off, it probably is.
My biggest disappointment is when I hear of women disparaging, cutting down or simply being unkind to other women. We women need to stick together! If half the planet is made up of men, then we’re already in a competitive state. We should be lifting each other up, standing on each other’s shoulders to reach higher heights, praising each other and celebrating the wins.
What makes a woman stoop so low that she needs to step on her fellow female compatriots?
Disappointed
It sounds as though there is more to this deep question, that it has been spurred on by something specific. Not that it matters because I agree with you. I’m not suggesting that women shouldn’t be competitive; of course they should. That’s why we have women in sports, and why some are champions and some runners-up.
Obviously two women vying for the same position in a company will be competitive with each other for the role. But what makes a woman stoop low enough to step on her “sister?” I believe it stems from insecurity and a lack of self-esteem.
In my opinion, the lowest of low is when a woman goes out of her way to have a relationship with another woman’s partner. You can argue they were meant to be; they couldn’t help themselves, blah, blah, blah. No matter how you slice it, the cheating woman is knowingly hurting the innocent partner. That just makes my blood boil.
FEEDBACK Regarding the OTT mom (June 22):
Reader – “In my opinion, the only thing that should be posted on social media are the things a person wants to post about themselves - anything else should require the other person’s permission, including but not limited to a birthday wish. I try to avoid social media altogether and want my privacy respected. My business is mine, no one else should feel allowed to tell my business to others. This is one of the issues with social media: personal privacy is less important than sharing.
FEEDBACK Regarding next level delinquents (June 27):
Reader – “Some people are just intent on causing damage, maybe just for the thrill. Very likely there is some element of mental health involved. But some people are just evil.
“I often reference Dr. Phil’s famous line, ‘What were you thinking?’ As a respectable, responsible, reasonable person, the ‘why’ is beyond me. I can’t even try to understand, as it’s just so far from what I would even consider.”