My husband went on a family vacation for a week with his siblings and their parents, no partners or kids, on a bucket list adventure that his mother always wanted to do. She’s unfortunately unwell and probably doesn’t have much longer. It was simpler for them to go, just the six of them, and expensive. We have an infant and another brother has a pregnant wife, and this wasn’t the trip for us anyway, so we partners were all happy for them to go.
However, in almost every photo, there are two young women hanging on to my husband and one of his brothers and I’m not happy about it. Supposedly these two girls were working at the resort they were at and were “assigned” to the family for their adventure.
How do I believe my husband that they were “just” employees when they are in every pic, literally draped all over him? I feel sick about it!
Holiday Hussie
I don’t know anything about your relationship with your husband prior to this trip, but if you have no reason to distrust him, then you need to trust him. However, if you are already distrusting, for whatever reason, then you have bigger fish to fry.
I suggest you sit down with your husband and talk about your feelings. If that doesn’t prove successful, I strongly suggest you two see a marriage counsellor to discuss what’s going on.
Unfortunately, things happen. Even if you thought you had a great marriage, and had absolutely no reason to distrust your husband, he may have behaved inappropriately. You could talk to his siblings, depending on the relationship you have with them, but I think you two should talk first and foremost.
Years ago, when we were in college, I had a fling with my roommate’s brother. It was super-hot and sexy because we knew she would hate us both if she ever found out. We were young and neither of us was looking for a relationship. But fun sex was what we had and lots of it!
We bump into each other here and there, and when we do, there’s always a twinkle in his eye and a smile on my lips. No one has ever said anything to either of us.
Recently, I heard that he and his fiancée broke up. Apparently, she was double dipping and had another boyfriend that he (obviously) knew nothing about. She couldn’t go through with the wedding so got sloppy with her secrecy and he caught her. She faked a whole story, but then the truth emerged. My old roommate told me her brother was really shaken by the whole thing.
And then he and I bumped into each other while out walking our dogs. We walked and talked and I invited him back to my place to talk some more, and…. you guessed it - we fell into bed together and had the best night ever.
Do we have to keep this a secret from his sister, or can we just be who we want to be?
Twinkle, twinkle
The answer depends on you two and NOT on his sister, your old roommate. Where is he at? Does he want to have casual sex with you openly? Are you two going to date or just fulfil each other’s needs?
I would say, let it play out naturally. If he calls his sister right away, let him, as long as you don’t care. But why should you? You’re adults (assuming so since he was engaged) and you can live your lives as you see fit. Enjoy each other!
FEEDBACK Regarding nursing home life (April 8; June 10):
Reader – “In Ontario, it’s virtually impossible to force someone into long-term care, i.e. a nursing home. The applicant must meet medical criteria for admission. And they must give consent to being assessed. So, unless the applicant has obvious dementia or has been found with signs of significant dehydration and malnutrition through a police wellness or community paramedic visit, they cannot be forced to do anything. Sadly, there is a shortage of LTC spaces so even with dementia or total physical helplessness, there will likely be a lengthy wait for admission, especially if looking for a particular location.
“Usually, the elderly person is persuaded to move. No doubt many family members strengthen that persuasion by pleading their inability to continue to provide the supports necessary to keep them at home. With jobs, children of their own, and little money to spare, families often just don’t have the necessary resources to allow a dependent relative to stay at home.”