I’m in a situation I don’t know how to handle. One of my good friends hooked up with a guy several times during frosh week last September. She really liked him, but he turned out to be a player. Apparently, he was hooking up with several women at the same time. Yuck!
My friend got over him and a few months later met a nice guy who she started dating. They lasted about seven months but then she realized he wasn’t for her and broke up with him. She’s happy and enjoying her summer, looking forward to going back to school.
By coincidence, I met her ex-hookup at a party last month but knew who he was immediately and didn’t engage. Unbeknownst to me, he has started telling everyone that he likes me. It’s ridiculous because we were introduced, I said hello, asked him what school he was at, and walked away. He doesn’t know me at all!
The problem is that my friend heard through the grapevine that he likes me and is now telling everyone that I’m a terrible friend and two-faced. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she won’t talk or listen. She doesn’t believe my story and since I was out with people she doesn’t know, there’s no one to back me up.
I literally said two words to him and walked away. I have ZERO interest in him. But my friend is being awful and won’t stand for any of it. What do I do?
Played
Your friend doesn’t sound like a good friend. That she won’t even hear your side of the story is unfair and selfish. And why does she care who this guy talks about? She hooked up with him nearly a year ago and saw how disgusting he was. Why is she bothered that he’s now running his mouth off?
Unfortunately, since she won’t talk to you, you’re going to have to just walk away. You can write her a letter, by email or whatever, and spill your guts. That will get it off your chest and you’ll know you’ve done everything you can to explain the situation. And you can tell anyone else who needs to hear. But you have nothing to apologize for, and if other people want to believe her without giving you a fair trial, then they weren’t your real friends anyway.
FEEDBACK Regarding bullying in hospital (May 7):
Reader – “Everyone receiving care in Ontario has the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and nurses have a professional obligation to act in the best interests of patients and intervene when safety or well‑being is at risk. These accountabilities are outlined in the College of Nurses of Ontario (CNO) Code of Conduct practice standard.
“As the regulator of nurses in Ontario, CNO protects the public by setting clear professional expectations for nurses and by addressing concerns about a nurse’s conduct, behaviour or practice. Nurses are expected to prioritize patient safety and well‑being at all times. They’re also expected to act when witnessing mistreatment or abuse, whether it comes from colleagues, patients, or others in the care environment.
“When members of the public have concerns about a nurse’s actions, including situations where a nurse may not have intervened appropriately, they can file a complaint with CNO. Complaints are taken seriously and reviewed through a formal process that decides whether a nurse met professional standards and what steps may be needed to protect the public. Regulatory oversight helps ensure that nurses fulfil their professional responsibilities, such as advocating for patients, showing respect, and acting when a patient's dignity or safety is at risk.
“No one should feel bullied or silenced while receiving care, and it’s important that people know there are avenues to raise concerns when they believe professional expectations may not have been met.”
FEEDBACK Regarding feet fetish (June 10):
Reader – “I get a kick out of your advice column; it’s often an amusing read and an insight into humanity. I am invariably more interested in the issue than the advice, which in my opinion is usually good common sense.
“I often think the problems people have are trivial but recognize that everyone is different. Feet are feet, some are pretty and some are not. We walk, run and work on them; old feet and toes get gnarly and nails get yellow. How entitled is this woman to say everyone should get a pedicure!
“Heaven forbid she should have to look at something that offends her. What a ridiculous society we live in. In Malasia during rainy season everyone wears flip flops - from high-end hotel staff in uniforms to bankers and the public.
“Thanks for telling her to keep her mouth shut.”