When I was in high school, I had a close friend. She wasn’t the brightest spark, but we had lots of fun together. We weren’t in many of the same classes because she took mostly remedial and I took mostly enriched, but we took all our electives together and spent every lunch together.
After high school, I headed to university. She was never going for higher education. We spoke often, hung out whenever I was home, and she’d come visit me. The whole four years of study, she was quietly working away at different jobs.
Unbeknownst to me, or any of our friend group, her last job was with a staging company, and with a keen eye for interior design, she won their approval quickly. While we were all studying and writing exams and essays, she started her own interior design company and had a full year under her belt by the time we graduated.
We’ve just spent the last year in entry-level positions, only some of us in our field of choice, living at home because we can’t afford to move out…. and she’s making HUGE money and just bought her first fixer-upper home!
Now who’s laughing?
I’m not sure what your question is, however, it’s important to remember that everyone is on their own life path, and no two paths are the same. Don’t compare yourself to your friend. Academics weren’t for her, but she’s found her niche – and she’s seeing huge success. Celebrate her!
Whatever your path, stay the course. Success isn’t measured by when you buy your first house; everyone has a different definition of success. Follow your path and be happy.
I am concerned about a family member in their mid-30s whose relationships and overall functioning seem to have deteriorated over many years. Although they say they have been in and out of therapy, they remain caught in the same cycle of grievances, estrangements, and accusations.
They no longer speak to either parent, have accused family members of serious wrongdoing, and regularly seek validation from relatives, friends, and acquaintances. Many of us who have known them since childhood have noticed that their retelling of past events has become increasingly extreme and often differs significantly from what others remember. They frequently change jobs. They continue to live in a parent's home rent-free while refusing to have any relationship or communication with that parent and seem unable to move beyond conflicts rooted in the distant past.
Communication with this person eventually became so draining that I sought professional help myself, and they have since cut off contact with me. Even so, people still occasionally reach out to me because they are concerned by things this person has said to them.
My worry is that this family member's isolation, anger, and apparent instability seem to be worsening rather than improving. The fact that they legally own firearms only heightens my concern. I am not asking for a diagnosis. I simply want to know whether there is anything family members can do when they fear an adult relative is spiralling but refuses meaningful help. Is there a responsible way to intervene before a crisis occurs, or are we limited to protecting ourselves and hoping the situation does not become more serious?
A Concerned Relative
If you know someone who is mentally unstable and they own a firearm, legally or not, it is well within your rights to call your local police force. In Toronto, there is a non-emergency number if no immediate threat is perceived. You could also call a crisis hotline. If, however, you fear for their safety, or the safety of the parent from whom they are estranged but with whom they live, you can call emergency services.
FEEDBACK Regarding Say what? (April 25):
Reader – “Perhaps they might suggest that they BOTH go and have their hearing checked. Sharing the concern would level the playing field and get the results they’re looking for.”
Reader #2 – “If they want to persuade their sister to visit a hearing specialist, they could try a few teasing remarks on how her hearing loss is making her appear much older than she is. That says ‘old’ more than a nearly invisible hearing aid. Ageist? Yes.
“But let’s be honest: very few of us want to be viewed as aged. 40-year-olds who eat only organic produce get injections with a deadly neurotoxin to avoid even the hint of a line or wrinkle, and one in 10 Canadians spend over $500 annually on anti-aging creams. A few imitations of her trying to respond to conversations she can’t hear will probably persuade her to get a hearing test.”