My wife and I are divorced and have been apart about six years now. We live in different countries; our three daughters are all in high school in the same country as their mother but spend summers based with me and visit often. They have their own rooms in my house.

My eldest daughter just arrived and is staying with me for the next three months. She was unpacking and I saw that she had brought a beautiful jewelry case with Swarovski tennis racquets on it that I had once given her mother. I asked why she had it and she said that her mom had given it to her. I don’t think she knows that it originally came from me. But I don’t want this reminder staring at me every day.

My wife cheated on me. She had an affair with her tennis coach for three years that only the children and I didn’t know about. Everyone else was well aware. When I found out, I felt like such a fool!

I didn’t say anything to my daughter, but then the twins arrived last night and they’re wearing matching necklaces, with their initials and a diamond tennis racquet. I made that for my wife – tennis was her life – and she must have had it split and redone for them.

Now my cheating ex-wife has infiltrated my home! I’m so aggravated! What do I do?

Love Nothing

I can understand why ANY reminders of your wife – especially those that point towards her affair – would be upsetting to you. Unfortunately, this is something that you are going to have to deal with on your own. Your wife obviously doesn’t want the gifts you once gave her but appreciates that they are worth something and have sentimental value for the girls.

Change your attitude, in a positive way, to appreciate that money you once spent on beautiful items, is now being appreciated and loved by your children.

My daughter dances every waking hour possible. She loves it! She spends all summer at the studio and dance competitions are her life. Which brings me to my issue: there is a HUGE competition happening next month for dancers across the province. She was chosen to do a solo performance, as well as many group dances. Her solo performance is scheduled for late in the afternoon of the second day and she has no group dances that day.

The problem lies in making sure that we get seats so we can watch her. The group dance spectators usually leave sweaters or scarves on their seats so they can come and go throughout the day. That’s great, and I do it too on a group dance day. But that means that I won’t be anywhere near the front to watch my own daughter perform.

Suggestions?

Seat Saving

Oh I know this issue all too well. Have you ever been to a high school or university graduation? Unless you’re there several hours early, you’re at the back and can’t hear or see.

But this situation is different. I suggest speaking with the convenors of the event. Perhaps they can put a sign on a few seats in one of the first few rows that say, “SAVED FOR THE SOLO PERFORMANCES.” Or something like that. Then you’d have great seats for your daughter but would have to move for the next soloist. Sounds fair to me and worth the ask.

If that doesn’t pan out, find someone you know who has people dancing in the groups earlier in the day and ask if you can have some of their seats for your daughter’s performance.

FEEDBACK Regarding the elderly man saying friends and relatives are encourage him and his wife (both 90) to move to a retirement home (April 15):

Reader – “He reminds me so much of my father at that age. He’s in denial. Of course, he enjoys the house he’s lived in for 50 years; many older people don’t like change. But they’re not self-sufficient. He says friends and family are taking care of their shopping and home maintenance, but this is way too much to ask of others.

“Who is taking care of the gardens they enjoy in their backyard? Being 90 means the odds are that something will happen to make it necessary to move. If they’re not signed up somewhere, they’ll have to make do with whatever is available. Planning ahead and choosing a retirement home they like is the best way to adapt to the change.

“Moving out of your home doesn’t mean losing the memories. The memories go with you.”