One of my son’s friends, who comes over all the time after school and on weekends, has the smelliest feet. It’s completely nauseating! Of course, we are a shoes-off house, so I insist everyone takes off their shoes at the front of the house. As soon as he does, the smell wafts into the entire main floor. And wherever he goes, so too does the smell, because it’s on his socks.

I love this little boy, but I can’t have him over anymore due to the smell. It takes days to dissipate and it’s completely revolting. Should I talk to his mother? We’re not close friends and I’m afraid I’ll offend her.

Stinky Socks and Shoes

I don’t think you should talk to the mother. If you don’t know her well, she may be offended. Let’s focus on how to solve YOUR problem, which is making sure your house doesn’t get over-stenched by this kid’s feet.

First, when your son brings this friend over, do NOT allow their shoes inside. Insist they take them off outside and leave them outside. Buy a shoe deodorizer and spray the kid’s shoes while he hangs out with your son. Even a scented dryer sheet would work. Second, insist both boys take off their socks and give them both new pairs to wear. You could buy a pack of five at the dollar store, or some other inexpensive store. Third, you could have a little bucket of soapy water by the front door. Have them wash their feet and dry them before they walk in.

Yes, it’s all slightly labour intensive for you, but it should help.

I need your help with a situation I’m having with a good friend. We used to speak on the phone daily. We’d call each other on our way to work, or on our lunch hour, or on our way home from work. We’d talk about our children mostly, our jobs, and our siblings. She NEVER spoke about her marriage, and I NEVER spoke about my parents. This was our normal for years. If she ever asked about my parents, I would remind her that they had both passed in a tragic car accident years before she and I even met and I didn’t like to talk about it.

One day, while she was talking about her parents’ marriage, I asked her why she never ever mentioned her husband to me – not anything good, bad or in passing. She replied, “My marriage is none of your business.” At that moment, I got a call from my kids’ school but then called her right back. She didn’t pick up. That was two months ago.

I texted her to see if we could get together for a coffee, she said that would be great but never accepted any of the days/times I offered. I texted her again to discuss things, but she denied any problem, just saying that she was busy.

Now what?

Particular Pal

Now you decide if this friendship is worth fighting for, and to what extent. For years, your friendship had boundaries on both sides. For you, the topic of your parents was untouchable, and for her, it was her husband/marriage. In your mind, your reason for not wanting to discuss your parents is valid, and you’ve explained that to her. She may feel the same regarding her taboo topic, but she’s never explained why.

Well, I don’t think she’s going to. And now that you’ve started poking that nerve, she’s shutting down.

Back up out of this hole and continue as you were or be prepared to walk away from this friendship. There’s no middle ground here. Not for her.

FEEDBACK Regarding nap time (May 5):

Reader – “Your wife IS going to nap.  Period.  So, choose vacations accordingly.

“I would suggest trying cruises.  Each can do their own thing, including napping, during the day.  Then meet up for dinner and evening shows.

“Also, has this guy ever heard of the power nap?  I’ve read about the benefits of a 15-minute nap in the afternoon, especially around the ‘afternoon droop’.”

Reader #2 – “I wonder how old is this couple? Probably 30s or 40s as they ski and both are quite immature, but how can she have a full-time job and nap EVERY DAY?

“More to the point, I’m an anaesthesiologist and would wonder if she has obstructive sleep apnea. Daytime somnolence or napping is a sign of sleep apnea and is definitely ‘ab’-normal. Get a sleep study (snoring is not necessarily pathological) and any size adults may develop sleep apnea.”