I’m on the quest to find Mr. Right, but so far all my efforts have been nothing but a waste of time. It seems that I always attract inconsiderate jerks, or stage five clingers.

One guy thought that an appropriate time to “sext” me was on my way into the Emergency Room of a hospital. Another guy, trying to be charming on our first date, says to me, “Well, you are kind of fat, but I’d probably still have sex with you.”

How am I constantly attracting every loser in Saskatoon? And how do I command the respect that I deserve?

Fed Up

Yes, there are a lot of frogs out there, but there are also a lot of very decent guys (not fantasized Princes) who are also looking for their “Ms. Right.”

Unfortunately, too many men and women have an unrealistic ideal goal of finding someone who’s perfect in image and personality. Naturally, there’ll be many who don’t measure up, and even some major jerks such as you describe.

But once you stop the intensive “quest,” and become open to making new friends of men rather than snagging a mate, you’ll find out over time if someone’s “right” for you, is respectful, and caring, even if he has some quirks and idiosyncrasies.

Time to respect yourself!

I borrowed money from a close relative to finance my husband's tuition years ago. Now, that relative desperately needs the money back.

We promised to pay her back within two years, but we couldn’t. It’s been seven years.

My husband seems ignorant and reluctant about this issue. Whenever I raise it, he gets angry and behaves crazy. He says he doesn’t have money to pay.

He has a good job. I believe he could save for this purpose. I don’t work or I would’ve paid long ago.

I don’t know how to convince him to pay back that money, so I can end my embarrassment. My relative calls every week, and also told other relatives who stopped being in touch with me. Our marital relationship and family life are also affected.

Whenever we argue about this, we stop talking to each other, and sleep in different beds for months. My stress and social embarrassment do not affect him at all.

I wonder if he has any interest in our relationship any more. We have two young kids. I cannot imagine raising my kids in a broken family.

Confused and Upset

Since you don’t work, it’s obvious to your relative that you can’t personally pay her back. Apologize to her and say that you’d like her to call your husband directly, instead of you. Suggest she do whatever she needs to do, perhaps enlisting the other relatives’ help or that of a lawyer, to pursue the debt.

Your husband will not be pleased, but you’ll be able to say that there’s nothing you can do to pay her back or to stop her from wanting to retrieve her loan.

He’s distanced from you for unknown reasons, since the loan was to help him with his education. If he persists in his coldness, you need to get some counselling and legal advice about your future.

You fear a “broken” family. But raising children in a loveless home, under conflict and tension while living together, is just as “broken.” And it can have worse emotional effects on everyone involved, just as it’s now affecting you.

I don't want to be with my partner, but how do I tell her? And what would happen to our kids?

Worried

Such a brief and desperate cry for help! You give little information, but the clues are there, from the experiences of many others:

You don’t want to be with her, which most likely means you want to be with someone else. You feel guilty, yet you’ve done no serious thinking about what it all means, and talked to no one professionally who can spell out the hard truths.

If you separate, you’ll have serious financial effects, having to pay child custody - in some jurisdictions, you’ll be splitting your matrimonial assets (house, etc.) in half. Your kids will be affected emotionally, and would benefit from counselling. They may resent you for years, especially if they suspect that your next relationship began when you were still married.

Think this through carefully, with help.