My daughter, in university in another city, texts me constantly throughout the day. Though I have her schedule, I haven’t committed it to memory, so I never know whether she’s in class or not, or where she may be. But I assume that if she’s texting me, she’s awake, not otherwise engaged, probably holding her phone and hoping for a response – especially if the text contains a question.
If I don’t respond immediately, she quickly texts again with something like, “Hello? Are you there?” However, when I respond, if I then include a question, she’ll often not answer. If I do what she does, that is, texting again within minutes with, “Hello? Are you there?” she gets angry with me.
Don’t I know she’s in class? Do I think she’s holding her phone? She was asleep and why am I so impatient?
I adore my daughter, obviously, and want to remain in close contact with her. But – I do not like the way this texting relationship is going. It seems very unfair and a lose/lose for me. Can you help?
Mom-texting
You need to set up boundaries with your daughter regarding her texting. You haven’t mentioned how you spend your days, but let’s say for the sake of argument that you’re an emergency doctor specializing in neurology. In other words, a brain surgeon. You wouldn’t be able to even look at your phone while on shift because you’d be too busy saving people’s lives.
On the flip side, even if you are luxuriously retired and literally do nothing all day long, as you say, it is rude and entitled for your daughter to expect you to respond immediately, and for you NOT to have equal expectation.
I suggest you two talk when she gets home from university in the next few days. She may have not even thought about how this is affecting you. Keep in mind that she may be texting you constantly because she misses you and home. Ask her how she’s doing. Explain to her how you feel. Then, together, discuss a plan, maybe even a code, or simple, “hey, this isn’t urgent, but….” Or “Hey, can you answer me ASAP? This is a timely question.” Whatever works for you BOTH.
My father-in-law fell while getting into his car to go to an appointment. He lay on the ground (thankfully, it was a temperate dry day) for an hour before the doctor’s office called his mobile wondering why he hadn’t arrived. He was able to answer through his car’s automated system on speaker.
The office called an ambulance and my mother-in-law, who then called my husband. Fortunately, my FIL is fine, with only some bruising (including his ego). But no one can figure out why he fell and now we’re concerned about his overall health. We’re suggesting he undergo a battery of tests, but he’s brushing us off, saying he just slipped.
How can we get him to accept that he needs to see a doctor?
In-law Issues
It’s very important that your FIL see a doctor and get some testing done. Yes, he could have slipped on a wet leaf, or his shoelace, or a bump in the driveway. But he also could have had a dizzy spell, a mild stroke or a multitude of other medical occurrences.
I’m surprised they didn’t run all these tests at the hospital when the ambulance brought him in. And I’m also surprised that his family doctor didn’t request some testing after he went in for a followup, after the incident.
You didn’t mention his age or general health, but I feel strongly that he should get some testing done. If he truly slipped or tripped, his tests will come back and show that he’s otherwise healthy.
FEEDBACK Regarding the expelled student (March 5):
Reader – “Expulsion process does not take place in the school itself. An Ontario principal cannot expel a student on the spot. Only the school board can formally expel a student after an investigation and a hearing. A principal can suspend a student (up to 20 days) immediately, pending an investigation to recommend expulsion for serious offenses like violence or weapon possession.
“Before any expulsion recommendation, the principal must investigate, including speaking to the student and parents, and considering mitigating factors like disability or history. For serious incidents, a student is usually suspended first, and the principal will determine if a recommendation for expulsion to the board is necessary.
“Written notice of suspension or the intention to recommend an expulsion must be given immediately to parents/guardians. While a principal cannot expel immediately, they can remove a student from school grounds temporarily.”
Lisi – Good information, but the question is about the mothers’ relationship and not the incident.