About 10 years ago, my mother got very sick and within a short period of time, she passed away. We had a complicated relationship, but her illness took its toll on me, and I was unprepared for her death. The void was profound. I was a walking zombie. I couldn’t function. I took a leave of absence from work. My husband almost left me but stayed for the children because I was barely able to parent.

Within a year, I started having terrible symptoms. Every day something else would hurt. I went to my doctor, but they couldn’t find anything wrong. Finally, a friend suggested I see her “guru,” an elderly Chinese man who practiced Eastern medicine. He was not a licensed doctor in my province.

He ran his own barrage of tests and told me I was suffering from guilt, grief, disappointment and anger. I didn’t need him to tell me any of that. He then explained how they were manifesting in my body. He told me to get tested for two types of cancer and another ailment. My doctor was unimpressed with my request, but since my symptoms were evident and her testing hadn’t turned anything up, she agreed to test for what this man had suggested.

Fortunately, and unfortunately, he was right, and I underwent several surgeries.

About a month ago, my father fell and has taken a turn for the worse. I fear that his demise will be my undoing. I’m afraid to go back to the guru because I’m afraid of what he’ll tell me. At the moment, I don’t have any symptoms. What do you think I should do?

Scared Sick

If you don’t have any symptoms, and your health is in good condition, then don’t overthink it. I absolutely believe in the correlation between our mental and physical health, and I have no doubt that your mother’s untimely passing made you unwell. I also believe that you are strongly connected to both your parents and your father’s health may affect yours. But it may not. You’re better prepared, older and stronger.

However, don’t dismiss anything that pops up. As soon as you feel something, go see your “guru.” Conversely, you could go now, tell him what’s happening and perhaps he has a prophylactic remedy you could start taking.

I’m a terrible sleeper and always have been. As a child, I did everything in my power not to give in to my exhaustion. I didn’t want to miss out on anything happening in my home! And I was a very light sleeper, so the faintest noise would wake me, and I’d jump out of bed. Knowing how important sleep is, especially for growing children, my parents did everything in their power to get me to sleep. I think I nearly killed them.

Once I was a teenager, they gave up. They still gave me a curfew, but when I was in my room, and they were asleep, they had no idea I was up all night reading, writing, beading, whatever. When I hit my 20s, I really didn’t sleep, burning the candle at both ends in an attempt to live life to the fullest.

I’ve recently met a man whom I adore and can see spending my life with, but he is a devout sleeper and can’t understand why I don’t. I’m worried he’ll see my lack of sleep as a deal-breaker. How can I change my sleep habits?

FOMO

There are a multitude of ways to aid in sleep, from lavender essential oil to melatonin, blackout blinds, white noise machines, camomile tea, hot baths, even sex. From your description, you’re your own worst enemy. Stop fighting and GTFT sleep! You’ll have plenty of hours in the day to enjoy life to the max.

FEEDBACK Regarding new year normal (Jan. 23):
Reader – “I’m wondering if the husband truly just wants to change and feels his wife might enable his old behaviour as hers is similar.  He wants to lose weight, so he cooks a low-fat breakfast for himself; he wants to get fit, so he goes for a run. He doesn’t want to join his wife and another couple for brunch because it involves alcohol. He goes to a movie at night with a friend, someone who he feels encourages his new behaviour and outlook. Maybe the wife could get on board with hubby’s new year’s goals?”

FEEDBACK Regarding working in the home (Jan. 27):

Reader – “I thought we were long past referring to stay-at-home parents as ‘not working.’ Apparently not. In the ‘70s and ‘80s, people worked hard to bring awareness that full-time parenting is, in fact, work. Sometimes much harder and longer hours than working outside the home.”