My sister and I were just visiting our parents in Arizona. She brought her two young children and I brought my baby. Her husband joined while, unfortunately, my husband had to cancel. I also almost cancelled, but my sister begged me not to, and my mom said she’d be helpful.
Fast forward and I returned home two days early because I couldn’t take it. My sister’s kids are totally unruly, undisciplined, rude and overweight. That last point isn’t nice, I know, but it added to the annoyance because they were constantly begging for food, eating with no manners and making an absolute mess everywhere.
The kids don’t listen to either parent, only sort of listen to their grandparents, and only reacted to me when I got angry with them, which was daily. They were rough with and around my baby, completely disrespectful of me and the baby, and I couldn’t relax with them around. They were wild and I feared for my child’s safety.
My mom was over her head cleaning up after them, getting angry with my sister for not disciplining them, and exhausted from chasing after them. She had nothing left to give to me or the baby. I wasn’t angry with her, but I’d arrived on my own, hoping for some peaceful, relaxed time with my family. Instead, it was a disaster.
Now, I’m back home, exhausted and everyone is mad at me for leaving early. What do I do?
Too Much Family Time
What you do now is get back into your routine with your baby; ask your husband for a little extra you time and get some rest. Maybe even book a massage or some time at a spa for some relaxation. It’ll serve you well.
Let your sister finish off her holiday and come home before you reach out. Apologize for leaving early but simply explain that the ages and stages of the grandchildren just wasn’t meshing. Assure her that one day it’ll be easier for you all to be together and leave it at that.
But I strongly suggest you call your parents the minute your sister leaves. They’ll still be feeling all the feels, and you can get realistic responses from them. Apologize for cutting your holiday short, but explain why, insisting it had nothing to do with them. If you wait too long, they’ll bounce back and forget how they felt, smoothing everything out in the retelling.
Then plan for a short visit, on your own, with your baby AND YOUR HUSBAND, to get the most grandparent time possible.
My son just told me that he’s been chatting with a girl almost nightly for the past two months. He’s been a slow-to-mature kid, and I’m thrilled for him that he’s finding some interest in the romance department. He then asked if she could come over on the weekend to hang out in the basement. I said yes, but that we would be home if he needed anything.
We were already upstairs when she arrived, so I had no idea what she looked like. Suddenly, there was a lot of noise, and yelling. I came down just as she was leaving. Turns out she was a he but hadn’t told my son.
Now he’s so embarrassed, he won’t leave his room. What do I do?
21st Century parenting
You tell him he has nothing to be embarrassed about. How could he have known? It’s a learning experience, and I guess, no question is off-limits.
But he canNOT go on a smear campaign against this person. Hopefully, they’ve also learned that it’s important to be upfront with people you want to be close with.
And everyone needs to just move on. However, since you mentioned this was his first foray into the world of relationships, this experience might be an emotional setback for him. Keep an eye on him and check in regularly just to make sure he’s still moving forward.
FEEDBACK Regarding the disrespectful sister (Jan. 8):
Reader – “I recognize the unpleasant moods of the girl, and it takes me back to being 14 and 15 years old. My sister was the favourite, and I recognize now that she was placid like my mother and I was highly strung and needed more attention plus an outlet to find myself. Once I became active in competitive sports, I had a chance to redirect my energy and learn more about myself and others.
“This girl needs to find a pursuit, whether its music or whatever she chooses, to get her out of herself and into an activity to improve her self-esteem. Her parents should have a heart-to-heart talk with her to help direct her to a meaningful goal that would develop her strengths and self-confidence.”
Been There
Lisi - Brilliant idea! Teenage years are so hard – so much internal change, social pressure, confusion. I hope she finds her outlet.