As of this year, I don’t have any children at home. They have all left to attend universities in other provinces. One of my twins (middles of the four) has stayed in Ontario but is still three hours away by car. Though I was never looking forward to being an empty nester, it became even more unappealing when my husband decided to leave as well. It wasn’t a drawn-out situation; he just told me that he was going to drive the oldest child back to school in late August and was then going out East for a few months. Turns out he has a girlfriend who has a cottage on Prince Edward Island.

So, I’ve found myself alone, in a large home, with a list of things that I thought my husband and I were going to do together in our free time. He’s now gone AWOL and to make matters worse, my manager has “voluntold” me to take an early retirement – which comes with a very nice package – at a time when I WANT to be working and have somewhere to go.

Alone, and with nowhere to go and nothing to do. I’m trying my hardest to keep it together, for me and my kids, but every day seems to get harder and not easier. How do I find the light at the end of this very dark tunnel?

Unseasoned

By taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. Your children haven’t left for good. And if you have several in different provinces, at different universities, there’s probably a revolving door with someone home more often than you realize. But in the interim, I strongly suggest you make a schedule for yourself.

Look at the list of things you wanted to do when you thought you were going to do them with your husband. Do they still appeal? If not, cross them off! You only have to please yourself.

I’m a list maker, so I’d make a list of things that need to be done around the house and things that you want to do in your home. Then do one of each. For example, fixing the broken toilet seat (yuck) and painting your bathroom hot pink (fun!).

Go through your junk drawer, old magazines, clean out your inbox, etc. But also, get outside every day, get some exercise daily, and spend some social time, whether that’s with family or friends. It’s extremely important to remain tethered to the people you love and who love you. And, if you need an income and/or still want to work, look for something that really appeals to you. You have the luxury of time on your side.

Thank you! Thank you for your advice, thank you for helping people with their problems, thank you for showing people that they’re not alone.

Now can you teach other people to say thank you? I gave my usual $1,125 in monetary gifts spread over nine children and got one thank you from a dad. I don't see these children (relatives and acquaintances) over Christmas, but I would still love to be thanked and even better would be to hear what each child chose as a gift for themselves or whether it went to an educational fund or whatever.

Is that so hard?

Ungrateful

Thank YOU! On behalf of all those who received gifts from you, I say thank you. And thank you for your kind words. I’m not sure why some people don’t know how to show gratitude, and/or why some parents don’t think it’s an important life skill.

My parents taught me to be grateful, and to always say thank you and in turn, I taught my own children. It’s so easy and very well received.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person who can’t win (Dec. 24):

Reader – “You confirmed that she is entitled to break the law and put pedestrians in danger. She is supposed to forgive the angry driver and a pedestrian who she put in potential harm’s way because she can't manage to carry two bags of groceries from wherever she normally parks her vehicle. She is supposed to 'rise above' i.e. soak in her sense of entitlement, all the while planning for the next time, she'll do this.

“Well, the next time that pedestrian might be hit by a vehicle, her car hit by a snowplough or a bylaw officer issue her a hefty fine. As much as I believe in forgiveness, she may need to learn respect for the law and others the hard way. And you haven't helped reduce reckless driving!”

Lisi – Wow! We really see the world differently.