Dear Readers – This column is all about relationships, and that’s a broad topic. Your first thought may be in the romantic arena, regarding dating and marriage. Or maybe you think of relationships with your parents, siblings, and/or your children. To others, this column is about friendships, or work-related relationships. And still, there’s the relationship we have with strangers on the street, or even the weather, and especially the relationship we have with ourselves.
But one relationship that rarely gets discussed is the relationship we have with celebrities, especially actors, known as a parasocial relationship. These relationships are specifically defined as one-sided, where the celebrity (or media figure, or fictional character) are completely unaware of our existence. When we watch a show, many of us start to feel a connection with those on the show – positively or negatively. That’s how they reel us in, how we can become emotional when something happens in the life of the fictional character.
For example, I’m watching a series right now and in the last episode I watched, a woman, who is unfortunately separated from her husband, is told by him that he’s seeing someone new. I cried for her and with her. The character, not the actress.
Some actors land roles that last so long that it’s difficult for the public to think of them as anyone but that character. Like Ellen Pompeo of Grey’s Anatomy fame. It’s difficult to disassociate the person from her character, Meredith Grey.
The recent loss of Catherine O’Hara, a Torontonian and Canadian icon, hits hard and got me thinking about the relationships we have with celebrities…. that the celebrities themselves know nothing about. I spent the weekend after she passed (on Jan. 30) asking people of all ages if they knew who she was. I was surprised that almost everyone did, even if not by name, then by character. “The mom from Home Alone” worked with kids between seven and 15; “The mom from Schitt’s Creek” worked with most people 15+. There were some teenage boys who had no idea who I was talking about, but they were few and far between.
I love Catherine O’Hara. I think she’s hilarious and unbelievably talented. And I did feel a motherly warmth from her from those aforementioned roles. I also loved her character in “Best in Show” (unparalleled hilarity) and “Beetlejuice.” She was a constant reminder NOT to take life – or yourself – too seriously. So, when she passed, it felt devastating, as though someone in your life, a friend, a strong acquaintance had gone. And though clearly, she didn’t even know my name, her loss felt as though I should mourn her, however that looks. For me, it was just watching the multitude of clips on social media, reposting the ones I liked best, talking about her with friends and laughing at all the comedy she left behind.
You may think I’m suggesting we keep a longer arm’s length between ourselves and people we don’t know personally and not get so attached to fictional characters. But on the contrary, I’m suggesting that these parasocial relationships are healthy (assuming they don’t become borderline-pathological, obsessive or turn into a stalker situation). IRL, I don’t know anyone like any of O’Hara’s characters, which made her special, unique and interestingly different. I was drawn to her.
She’s gone and no one will miss her more than her family and friends. But thankfully, she leaves behind a legacy of laughs that we can continue to indulge in for the rest of our lives. Rest in peace, Catherine. You were one of a kind and the Best in your Show.
FEEDBACK Regarding the boring boyfriend:
Reader – “I saw a comment that friends thought a boyfriend, though a nice guy, was not too bright. My friend married a tall, handsome guy who turned out to be a great husband, dad and businessman - but we all thought he was a bit slow and dull.
“Then he got hearing aids and we discovered that he’s a bright and interesting guy. He never participated or made relevant comments because he couldn’t hear us!”
FEEDBACK Regarding the sad senior (Dec.23):
Reader - “I go line dancing a few times a week and I take art classes at the local community centre. However, I am the one who initiates with ‘I need a friend fix. Let's have lunch or coffee....’ However, these friends do not take the initiative. People are too busy to be concerned about others. It's more pronounced during the holidays especially if you don't have family.”