Recently, while at a friend’s wedding, I was introduced to a man sitting at our table. We were six friends, including one couple, and we shared our table with four people we didn’t know – one being this man. It was a fabulous wedding – full of great music, fun dancing, hilarious speeches, delicious food and lots of laughter.

The man was handsome and I was attracted to him. So, I tried at conversation. He seemed uninterested, so I continued having fun with my friends. An hour or so later, he attempted to engage me in conversation. But by this time, the noise level was so loud that I couldn’t really hear him. And when I did catch snippets of his conversation, he was talking about something unfortunate that had happened to him during the week at work.

I kept excusing myself to dance, get a drink, anything to get away from this man who was a real buzz kill. He finally left. The next day, I was told that he was asking about me and wants to get my number to go on a date.

Do I have to say yes?

Douglas Downer

No! Absolutely not! You do not have to go on a date with anyone you don’t want to. You’re not the first person to write in to me about quiet talkers. It can be very hard to maintain focus on someone who speaks so quietly that it’s hard work to hear them.

And people who can’t compartmentalize, who can’t keep their negativity to themselves, ESPECIALLY at a celebration, are hardly attractive.

If this man procures your number, and asks you out, the choice is yours. If you found him handsome and want to give him a chance in a quiet setting where the focus is on him, go for it. But if you still find him to be a quiet talker without anything fun or positive to share, there’s no harm in calling the date short.

Several years ago, I was playing recreational softball, where I met a girl who became one of my best friends. We were close, spent much of our free time together, and even worked together one summer. I'm in my 50s; she's in her late 20s, but she’s mature.

I got along great with her family, too, as she lived at home with her parents and a brother. I was there for her when she broke up with her girlfriend, and I'd been with her through previous breakups.

Last year was a milestone birthday for me. I planned a themed party with my husband and kids and invited my friends, including her. My birthday always falls on Pride weekend, and my party was on a Saturday night. Though she likes attending Pride, she said she’d be at my party.

On the day of, she called with a headache and wasn't sure she’d make it. Later, she said she was feeling better and would come, but would be late, and wouldn't stay long. She never showed. She texted me a few days later, saying her headache had returned, and that she’d make it up to me and take me out for drinks.

That was the last time I heard from her. She stopped returning my texts and stopped calling. I sent her a text saying that if she was upset with me for any reason, I’d like to know why.

I suspect she didn't come to my party because she had someone to go to Pride with and that's fine. I would have understood.

I miss the friendship, but more I wish I had some closure.

Ghosted 

Sadly, you may never get that. She may not have been as mature as you thought.

FEEDBACK Regarding lonely holidays (Dec. 12):

Reader – “Volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen. You’ll feel appreciated and will also meet new people.

“Drop into a local Pickleball (or Padel) social session. Many clubs don’t require commitments, just pay per session. Most participants help newcomers with game rules and strategy. You’ll meet new people and won’t be alone.

Lisi – This can apply to ANY holiday.

Reader #2 – “Tell her this is a great opportunity to care for others. This year I cooked at the town hall on the 23rd and delivered about 70 meals on the 25th to people who needed them. I looked after dogs, so my friends could travel, and volunteered at the Panto for my local theatre. I helped sort and wrap gifts for seniors.

“Some years I invite other single senior women to coffee and cookies and hold a potluck. There are so many ways to get involved and look beyond yourself.”