Dear Readers – Last week, a mother wrote in asking for help with her daughter who was suffering from body dysmorphia to the point that she was extremely unwell. I informed the mother of a treatment centre, located in Toronto, called The Centre by Kyla Fox, that helps people and their families deal with eating disorders.
This week, Feb. 1 to 7, is Eating Disorder Awareness Week in Canada. I thought I would highlight Kyla Fox and the centre she founded. Fox herself is an eating disorder survivor and a strong advocate for those suffering. During her difficult days, she lacked a therapist who she felt listened and understood her. Fortunately, she found hope and help elsewhere, but she was inspired to become a therapist herself and create a comprehensive eating disorder recovery centre where she and her team could treat people across the entire spectrum of eating disorders.
In Fox’s opinion (and I agree with her), nearly everyone has some sort of preoccupation with food, eating and our bodies. We are almost always thinking about one or more of those things. But how we think about it, and how we let those thoughts affect us, manifests over a very large spectrum, and that is highlighted in the large spectrum of sufferers.
For example, in one day we can think a multitude of food/body image thoughts, such as: How much do I weigh this morning? What should I eat for breakfast? When am I going to the grocery store? What will I eat at my lunch meeting? What’s for dinner? When will I have time to get to the gym? Do I have time for a snack before class? I’m hungry and my stomach is rumbling. As Fox says, “That’s a LOT of noise in our heads! And most of that is normalized, but for some people, it can get in the way of your everyday life and take over.”
Food, eating, dieting, exercise, our bodies – these are topics of conversation that are constant throughout many people’s days. I’ve paid close attention for the past week and it’s incredible how much space those conversations and thoughts take up for nearly everyone in my world.
However, as Fox points out, when our thoughts win over and we can no longer function without constantly berating ourselves for what we did and didn’t eat; when we constantly analyse, compensate, navigate and lose to the stress of it all, that’s when our exacerbated rituals manifest into disordered eating.
Fox makes it clear that recovery is complex. With food issues, there is no such thing as abstinence because we NEED food to survive. It’s our sustenance. And not just as and when; we need it every day, several times a day. So, to recover, those who harm themselves with food need to learn how to be in a healthy relationship with food.
On top of that, our relationship with food is so, as Fox puts it, dynamic! It’s how we connect to our parents from the minute we’re born; it’s part of our culture, customs, traditions and religions; it connects us to our families and within our relationships. It’s so complicated!
What Fox has learned through her 20+ years in practice is that when people start to peel back the layers of WHY they have eating disorders, almost always food itself isn’t the problem. It’s the scapegoat. The problems originate at a much deeper level. Food is just the symptom, the manifestation of our deep, deep unhappiness. Once we can dig deep and find the original issue, we can work outwards, relinquish the extreme control we exorcise over our bodies, specifically around food and exercise, and find our inner peace.
FEEDBACK Regarding Moms Against Motorcycles (Sept. 4; Dec. 1):
Reader – “My children were always very responsible and reliable, so the issue wasn't concern for their behaviours. However, the one thing I forbade them to do was to get on a motorcycle. My reason: No one ever comes out of a motorcycle accident with a minor injury. They had no comeback for my logic. Statistics prove most of such accidents are not caused by the motorcyclist.”
FEEDBACK Regarding family history of alcoholism (Dec. 5):
Reader – “The effects of alcoholism on an alcoholic's family are deep and multi-layered. Many of us are prone to keep seeking unhealthy relationships repeatedly until we seek help to heal from these effects.
“If I were asked, I would strongly suggest that both sisters could benefit from attending an Al-Anon meeting to see if this is right for them.”
Lisi – Al-Anon is an international aid organization for ANYONE impacted by another person’s alcoholism.