I have a good friend who works in an industry I know nothing about. His hours are fairly normal, as in 9 to 5, for most of the year. There are several times in a year when his work picks up pace, and he needs to spend more hours at the office. I don’t keep track of when those times are, nor do I feel the need to memorize his schedule.

We are hockey buddies. We play in a casual adult league where everyone understands that this isn’t the NHL. One guy recently had a baby and couldn’t attend a few games; one guy’s dad recently was unwell and he also missed a practice or two. No one is bothered about anyone else’s schedule.

But this friend calls me, irate, when either I, or another team member, forget that it’s his “busy” time at work. His reaction is completely over-the-top and unnecessary.

What makes him think he’s so special and that any of us are obligated to know his schedule? He’s just slowly pushing us all away.

Too Important

Your friend is special, but no more than you or I. But for some reason, his insecurities get the better of him. Here’s my suggestion (and I don’t think it’s ever too late to implement): For the rest of the season, send out a JotForm schedule, monthly or for the duration of the season, asking people to inform the rest of the team which practices/games they can and cannot attend. No judgement. Just to make sure that you have enough players and to be organized.

Obviously, things come up, life gets in the way, but if, for example, you know you’ll be away on vacation one week, you can let the team know in advance. And your friend can plug in his schedule, so EVERYONE is made aware.

If he still gets angry with you (or anyone) for not knowing his schedule, this may be one friendship you distance yourself from.

My girlfriend is obsessed with concerts. She loves music and loves to see live shows. She loves it so much, she’s less discerning about who she’ll see, as long as it’s a guaranteed fun night out.

I’m happy for her because it makes her happy. But I’m more discerning based on several factors: the type of music, the venue and the cost of the ticket. Which basically means that I’ll go to one out of every five to 10 shows she attends.

At first it didn’t matter, but I’m starting to feel a space growing between us where there wasn’t one before. She says she doesn’t mind if I don’t attend and understands that I don’t love certain genres. And I say I don’t mind if she goes out. But the truth is, I think we’re both starting to mind.

How do we get back to our honest selves?

Concert Crazy

Be honest! Sit down with your girlfriend and talk about it. Tell her how you’re really feeling and encourage her to open up to you. Have an honest, adult conversation about your relationship and your future, if you think there’s one together. If this is the tipping point, then walk away amicably. If you love each other and want to maintain this relationship, start to calmly discuss compromise.

For example, if money is stopping you from attending some concerts, and it doesn’t sound as though that’s an issue for he, would she be willing to gift you a concert now and then? If money is an issue because you’re trying to save for your future together, could she cut back on a concert or two?

Only you two will be able to figure this out – if you feel your relationship is worth it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the smoker (Nov. 25):

Reader – “I really feel for the person who has tried to quit smoking but hasn’t succeeded. My late sister, who was a heavy smoker well into her 70s, had COPD and required oxygen the last few years of her life. She would see a smoker and say, “Why could I never quit? It’s such an addictive and unhealthy habit.”

“Maybe joining a self-help group would help this smoker kick the habit.”

Reader #2 – “I smoked on and off since I was 18. I quit for two years while in a relationship with someone who didn't smoke. When that relationship ended, I smoked again from 2005 to 2012. When I quit in 2012, I became addicted to nicotine lozenges which are very expensive.

“I'm 70 now and I need something to meet the oral satisfaction from having the lozenges and the nicotine in my system.”