My wife has come home with a new friend, a woman she met at a children’s play group. We have two children, both young, and two careers. My wife took her allotted yearlong maternity leave with the first and planned on doing the same with the second. But we had agreed that she would work long enough to make a promotion before we got pregnant the second time. It was clear, after only one child, that children are an expensive commodity.

Thankfully, she made the promotion and within weeks we discovered she was pregnant. The second child was born healthy but developed some health issues after six months and my wife had to extend her leave. Her company was very sympathetic and worked out a financial plan for her to do so.

But we are both stressed because our second child is going to need special accommodations, which will cost more money. In the meantime, my wife is enjoying her time off with both children.

Unfortunately, this new friend has swanned into her life at the wrong moment. She has five children, the second and third are twins, and she doesn’t work. She runs her older children around to dance, swim and hockey; drags the toddler wherever she goes, along with a nanny; and pretends to be super mom to the baby. She doesn’t work and told my wife she can’t imagine having to work, that she just couldn’t possibly.

Now my wife is wondering if she needs to return to the work force.

Not Loaded

Only you and she can answer that question from a financial perspective, but it sounds like YES. You need both incomes to manage your existing lifestyle, your healthy child, and everything your second child may need. The world is expensive these days and only a very small percentage can live without financial stress, let alone lavishly. Your wife has turned her head and met someone who has more; if she turns her head the other way, she will find many people with much less.

Though this woman’s lifestyle looks appealing (and many would agree that not working would be nice), you can’t afford for your wife to not bring in an income. Full stop. However, from your description, I get the impression that your wife knows that, and is just daydreaming, feeling you out.

Don’t panic. Hug her close and tell her the truth: that you wish you made enough money that she could stop working and only look after the children. But you can’t. Maybe one day. Until then, work together as a team for the life you dream of.

My wife smokes pot during the day, while at work, but won’t admit it. I know because she comes home after work and she smells of marijuana. When I ask her about it, she either says that someone else in the office was smoking, or that she smoked after work with a client or colleague but only took a puff or two.

What she does is her business, as long as it doesn’t affect her job. If her employer doesn’t care, why should I? But we’ve been discussing starting a family and we both need to be healthy to do so. We need to stop smoking and drinking before she gets pregnant and stay that way while she’s pregnant.

I’m all in, but what is she doing?

Unhealthy Habits

You need a sit down with your wife. She may not be ready to change her lifestyle to start a family. That could be a game changer for you. Or she’s scared and putting it off by extending the time you’d agreed to be “clean” prior to her getting pregnant.

Neither of her excuses fly and she knows that. Talk to her.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding tea bagging (Aug. 30; Nov. 22):

“Referencing the recent trial of the Ontario Hockey youth players.  They got off due to the victim not providing credible testimony. But that doesn’t that mean these young men are innocent.  Something happened. And by not being “punished” for their actions, do they have “permission” to do it again?

“What if Reader #2’s (Nov. 22) son was the victim and then started to experience trauma?  What if their son was the perpetrator?

“Teen years are when limits get tested. How far can they go before getting caught?  Steal something small from a store and get caught; lesson learned immediately.  But, if they don’t get caught, they’ll likely try again.

“’Boys will be boys’ is no longer acceptable. Just like saying ‘suck it up’ to someone experiencing an anxiety attack.  Sexual harassment is a criminal offence.”