My son won’t speak to me. He believes that I did something that I didn’t do. He heard a rumour, which was corroborated by someone I am not friends with, and feels that two people telling him something must mean its fact.

But it’s not. I have shown him the actual proof that I didn’t do what he believes I did. There’s no refuting my facts. When the whole issue blew up, which was several years ago when he was barely a teenager, the police were involved. It was a serious allegation that could have ruined my life. I had no choice but to fight to prove my innocence.

And as I mentioned, I did…. because I AM innocent. My husband, my other child, all my friends and family know that I was set up and know that I am innocent. The strange thing about the whole situation is that I was randomly picked as the scapegoat. I don’t know any of the real players.

I thought it was all behind me until just recently when my son started acting rude and disrespectful to me. When I asked him why, he accused me of this old news. I couldn’t believe it had been resurrected, and through my child!

How do I get my son to see the truth and believe me?

Old Gossip

You must be so hurt. The fact that your son believes a rumour and does NOT believe you, his own mother, is so hurtful. I’m sorry.

Though I know you tried to show him the facts, he needs more convincing. In this situation, I think he needs a full family intervention, and maybe even the help of the police. Whoever you were with at the time, whatever your alibi, whatever the facts of your innocence, it all needs to come out in full force.

And then I strongly suggest that you and your son go to counselling together. There’s another reason why he chose to believe the rumours, and you need to understand what that reason is to work through it and repair your relationship.

My wife is an absolute smoke show. She’s just turned 60 and looks 40. NO ONE believes her age. She’s a swimmer and has a long, lean body. She can rock any clothing she chooses to wear. Not only that, but she takes care of her skin and rarely wears much makeup other than some mascara and a lip colour. Her smile lights up a room.

She’s also an accomplished family doctor whose patients adore her, for her listening skills, her attentiveness and her patience. She’s also an astute diagnostician.

We have three children who are well adjusted, successful and happy. In other words, everything is perfect. So why am I miserable? Why do I want to run away from my wife? Why does the thought of intimacy with her disgust me? I can see that my feelings and behaviour are having a negative effect on her. I don’t want to hurt her, though I know I am.

What do I do?

I’m Out

Get yourself to a therapist immediately and see your family doctor for some testing. Often people forget that something physical can influence our behaviour, mood, and emotional balance. So, find out if your health is in order while talking this through with a professional.

Could you have simply fallen out of love with your wife, even though you describe her as amazing? Of course. You still need to figure out why – for her sake and yours. She deserves to understand what’s changed. And the information will help you (both) move on in a healthy fashion – which is hugely important for your children.

FEEDBACK Regarding the concerned friend (Oct. 22):

Reader – “Obesity is very complex, with many social and emotional issues. It is not just about food or not getting enough exercise.  Having struggled with weight and eating disorders most of my life, trust me there is nothing you can tell her she doesn’t already know.

“You mention food choices and exercise but not anything about her emotional well-being. Try starting there. Also accept her for who she is and where she is at in her life without shame or judgement, instead of what you think she should be doing about her weight or health.  It is also important to remember that people in larger bodies can be healthy too.”

FEEDBACK Regarding “on the move” (Oct. 31):

Reader – “Suggest to the young woman that her boyfriend visit a general practitioner. He may have ADHD and/or restless legs or any other movement disorder.  Therapy and/or medication might help him.”