I know that my daughter is keeping a secret close to her heart, but I can’t make out what the problem is. We are normally very, very tight and talk all the time. She has been away at university since September and we FaceTime every day if not every other day, and we speak at least once a day.

She’s in the middle of exams right now, so I have been trying not to call her as much, but we still speak often. So, I can tell when something just doesn’t seem “normal.” And my daughter just seems “off.”

I’ve asked her several times what’s wrong, expressed concern, and told her strongly that she can talk to me about anything, always. I will never judge her or laugh. But she just keeps saying she’s fine.

What do I do?

Mom Knows

Back off. I don’t disagree with your mom instincts – you are more than likely spot on with your gut feeling. You described a strong connection with your daughter, and I believe that people in close contact can “know” when something is “off” with someone they’re close to.

Still, you need to back off. She’s saying loud and clear that she needs to sort something out on her own. Give her space to grow. If you believe that she’s physically safe and mentally sound, then just leave her be. I assume you’ll see her soon, during the holidays, and you can have a heart-to-heart then. If you’re worried about her mental health or physical safety, you need to take action.

We seniors live with the reality that our expiry date is about to arrive. We are conscious daily that it could be tomorrow or in years, who knows. But no one I know looks forward to it. In the meantime, we lose our memory, our hair, our hearing, our eyesight, our muscles and our mental acuity. With the emphasis of modern life on youth, I feel we are shunted aside as redundant, non-productive drains on the tax dollar for all the medical care and expense we incur.

Then there’s the isolation and loneliness. It is so crushing to the spirit, and nowhere have I seen a true measure of the magnitude of this issue. It’s enormous! I have one child and one grandchild in Canada. My six siblings and I were born here, and we are somewhat scattered. I see them infrequently now, and they are experiencing decline, one has even passed on.

I’m lucky that I have the strength to do racket sports twice a week and dance that often as well. But those activities occupy only a few hours at a time, and many awake hours remain empty. Did I really sign up for this?

This isn’t a pity-party, but maybe you can see that many seniors are carrying a load of pain, and I/we don’t know what to do about it. I would love someone to invite me out for coffee. How can I get unlonely?

Sad Senior

There must be some social events at your racquet club that you could attend, as well as through your dance studio. Look into any activities through your local seniors’ centre, community centre, place of worship. There are plenty of group activities, including meeting people for coffee, that you could attend. Also, perhaps you could take initiative and invite someone out for coffee first.

FEEDBACK Regarding the nightly gas (June 6; Sept. 19):
Reader – “There’s this remarkable product we use at the animal hospital where I work. It’s called Air Mist. It’s animal safe and takes the stink out of the air instantly.

“I have a small bottle on my bedside table to eradicate unwanted smells. Highly recommend for all stinky situations! Save the romance, spare your nose!”

FEEDBACK Regarding the husband’s birthday (Sept. 23):

Reader – “As a man, I agree with her husband - it's just another day. Don't waste your money on an expensive overpriced card, it'll be in the recycling next week. I don't want a party. Make me one of my favourite meals and I'll be happy.”

Don't like Hallmark holidays 

Reader #2 – “Since I was a little boy, I have absolutely hated my birthday. Maybe, like myself, he’s not comfortable with the attention. That doesn’t mean we hate all birthday parties.

“I am 66 now and am fine just being on my own or doing a normal day with my wife.  My kids understand and a few text messages are sent. I am sure he’s fine with his young children giving him a gift. You should have told his wife to honour his wishes and keep it low key. No counselling required.”