I like sex missionary style, in bed. Simple, old fashioned, basic. I don’t like sex from behind. I don’t like sex when I’m on top. I don’t like sex on the bathroom floor or the kitchen table.
My last three boyfriends have tried to get me to have sex in every room in their house and mine, and in every position OTHER than missionary. I just don’t like it. I think I’m clear from as early as seems necessary, but maybe I’m not.
I feel as though they hear me, but they’re not really listening. How much clearer can I be? And why do these guys all think they have the right to change me? I don’t want to change. I like what I like!
Is this going to stop me from finding a long-lasting relationship?
Missionary, please
No, this is NOT going to stop you from having a successful, long-lasting relationship one day. You just haven’t found the right guy.
You say you make it clear early on, but maybe the words you use aren’t clear enough, or maybe your timing isn’t as early as you think. That is not to put the blame on you. However, this is an issue that is important to YOU, therefore the onus is on YOU to make it as clear as clear can be.
Do I think it’s a first date topic of conversation? I would have said no, but perhaps maybe it is. It’s not something you leave until the lights are off. And no, these men do NOT have the right to change you.
When you meet the right guy, he won’t try to change you. He will love you for who you are and where you’re at. And maybe one day down the road, in the heat of passion, he’ll forget and you’ll forget, and you’ll make love on the couch. I hope it’s great!
My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and the biggest bonus is that I am no longer suffering from perpetual UTIs. I know that sounds crude, but I hated the fact that nearly every time we had sex, I’d wake up suffering. We had a vicious cycle wherein I then couldn’t partake for a few days until the burning went away; then I’d take a few days “off;” and then we’d have sex again and the cycle would repeat.
But now I’m wondering if that’s what will happen to me with every guy I ever date. I enjoy sex and have been told that I’m good at it. It’s not something I want to do only once a month!
How can I change this pattern?
UTIs
Just because your last boyfriend caused you discomfort after sexual intercourse doesn’t mean that every potential intimacy partner will as well. It could have been the shape of his penis, length, girth or a combination thereof. However you two were having sex, caused the bacteria to enter your urethra, and then up into the urinary tract.
Remember to ALWAYS pee after sex, as much and as often as possible. That will flush out any bacteria that got in. Also, avoiding sex during your menstrual cycle may also be helpful, as women are more susceptible at that time.
I encourage you to seek medical advice on this issue.
And, not to be crass, but make sure that your partners genitalia are clean before entering your body.
FEEDBACK Regarding privacy please (Sept. 19):
Reader – “To me, it would seem the wife is jealous of the partner’s ‘quiet celebrity’ status. By putting their issues and instances of marital strife out there, she likely feels she is gaining importance.
“We have a VIP in our family (a dear in-law) who is the CEO of a huge company that is almost daily in the public eye. Not once have I seen his wife (my niece) posting anything about their marital issues (all couples have them), or their happy family moments, etc. That is their personal life. She has no social media presence and never talks about their issues at our family gatherings.
“This wife needs a good talking to and to take a leaf out of my niece’s book.”
Lisi – Different generations view social media differently. I agree that one’s private life should be kept private unless they CHOOSE to make it public.