My wife never, and I mean, NEVER wants to have sex with me. She shows me no love or affection. And most of the time she seems angry with my mere existence.

I’m not a perfect guy, by any means. I’m a smoker, I have a bit of a beer belly, and my hockey equipment stinks. But I provide for my family, I love my wife and I want to spend time with her. I’m always suggesting we go out for dinner, alone, but then she’ll invite another couple to join us. I like our friends, but sometimes I just want to be alone with my wife.

I try to sit beside her on the couch when we’re watching TV, but she moves away saying I generate too much heat. And when I try to snuggle in bed, she says the same thing. If I try to parlay that heat into some sexual activity, she gets angry and says she’s not in the mood.

What do I do? I’m horny for my wife, I want some love, but I’m also just horny.

Jilted

None of us are perfect, my friend.

Your wife has more going on than just not being in the mood. You didn’t mention your ages or stages, but perhaps your wife is going through some hormonal changes that are affecting her. To be fair, women are nearly always on some hormonal roller-coaster, but we live with it. However, at different stages, it can be worse, such as postpartum or menopause.

Take your wife out for a stroll. Hold her hand. Talk to her. Tell her how you’re feeling. Ask her, point blank, if she’s still in love with you, or no longer interested in being married to you. You’ll know her truth from her reaction.

If she responds positively, then talk to her about what’s going on in her mind and body, specifically regarding sex. Lightly suggest she speak with her doctor. Offer to go with her, but don’t be offended if she refuses. Work together, if possible. And I suggest seeing a marriage counselor

However, if she’s no longer in love with you and no longer wants to be married to you, then move on. Easier said than done, but you deserve to be happy and loved.

A year ago, a friend of 30 years said our friendship had run its course. He told my daughter by email after declining her wedding invitation.

I didn’t know that our friendship was strained. I reached out to discuss the issue. But neither one of us brought up the subject. This was July, last year.

We had a routine where he would drop by Thursdays to Wii golf and talk. In December of 2023, we didn’t text and he didn’t drop by. I didn’t hear from him in January until I texted about my annual Super Bowl party. He declined. I asked him if anything was wrong. He replied no.

In February, my daughter sent out the invitations.

I’ve been blaming myself. But people said that if he had an issue, he should have told me. I feel betrayed.

I’m dealing with my own stuff - my wife is in a nursing home and my mom’s deteriorating health. What should I have done?

Lost Friend

In other words, he stopped coming by regularly and though you noticed, you didn’t reach out right away. In a matter of two months, he was ready to drop you. And though you got together once, the friendship is over?

It’s obviously bothering you, so you need to step up. Apologize; say that you wish he would have spoken with you before dumping you; tell him you miss him and see what happens. Just know that this friendship is forever changed.

FEEDBACK Regarding eggshells (Sept. 10):

Reader – “How could her daughter not know how she spends her days? Surely, she knows her mother works full-time and cares for the aging grandmother and mother-in-law. She also knows her mom has a husband and juggles keeping in touch with four children (two overseas).

“No wonder this poor woman is exhausted! This daughter sounds like a spoiled, self-centred brat.

“I was in a very similar situation. My kids lived close, but I had four elderly people to care for, and I worked full-time with regular travel across the province. Not once did my family complain if I couldn’t make it to a birthday party or celebration. They didn’t make me feel guilty because I couldn’t spend enough time with my grandchildren. They were always happy to see me and asked if they could help, and they often did.

“The writer shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s the daughter who should be ashamed!”