A few weeks ago, I was at an event with a speaker, followed by a light buffet of finger foods and a Q&A session. I sat down in the auditorium to hear the speaker and found an old friend and a friend of hers.
While waiting for the session to start, another acquaintance walked past, so I offered her a seat. She was friendly enough, but as soon as the speaker was done, she ran off to find her “real” friends.
Coincidentally, I was meeting up with those same friends to sit together for the Q&A. For some strange reason, the acquaintance barely let me get a word in with my friends, kept interrupting me and turning her back to me. The one she was cornering managed to catch my eye and gave me a look that I understood as sympathetic. She later called me to discuss the behaviour of this one woman.
What is wrong with some people that even in adulthood, their behaviour is childish, insecure and mean?
Mean Girl
By your description, I’d lean more towards insecure than mean. This woman sounds very insecure, and maybe even a bit shy. She did sit with you, but instead of leaning into the moment and engaging you in conversation, she spent the time searching for her people.
Once she found her group, obviously those with whom she feels (more) comfortable, she was able to be more herself. But then you showed up, which detracted from the attention she was getting from her friends. Also, with you at the table, she now must engage in conversation, which she deftly avoided during the speaker session.
Ignore and move on. She’s not a close friend (obviously), just an acquaintance. You’re stronger than she, so be friendly and nice when you see her, but don’t let her insecure antics affect you. Let it go.
I knew a guy in high school who was very good-looking and very nice. We were friends but never anything more. I was slow to mature, both physically and mentally, so romance wasn’t even in my thought process.
As we got older, we would bump into each other here and there, and we would always share a warm hug, chat about life and go our separate ways. Always nice, always warm, and he maintained his good looks.
We bumped into each other once at a wedding supply store and congratulated each other on our upcoming nuptials. It was then that I felt, for the first time, that he had given up any underlying hopes of a relationship between us. Over the years, we would see each other out with the family, say hello, meet each other’s spouses and children, and go our separate ways.
A few years ago, my husband died. It was sudden and tragic, but I have learned to live with the grief. I just bumped into this man from the past and was shocked to hear that his wife had also recently passed away after an aggressive illness. Seeing him, speaking with him, something in my heart awoke and now I’m wondering if it’s too late for something between us.
Old Friend
It’s never too late for love to blossom and grow. You weren’t ready as a teenager, or at any of the other chance meetings. If he was holding a candle, he put it away to move on with his life.
Now you find yourselves in similar life stages; you have warm feelings from years of acquaintanceship; why not spend time together? If nothing else, you could have a new friend and an easy date for events you don’t want to attend solo.
FEEDBACK Regarding words matters (June 3; Sept. 2):
Reader – “With language, context and tone is everything. If my male colleague says, ‘Get me a coffee, girl,’ that’s offensive. But if we were dating, and he referred to me as his ‘girl’ in a social setting, meaning, his girlfriend, that can be considered endearing (and slightly old-fashioned).
“A teenager shouldn’t use the term to address a teacher because it’s too familiar. But among close friends or as a breezy way of addressing readers in a column, I see no problem.”
Lisi – Yes, it was meant as a warm and friendly written hug.