My friend and I live in the same apartment building, in the same size apartment, just a few floors apart. We were friends before we moved into the building. We’re both artists, neither of whom work an office job. We’re both in our mid-40s, never been married and never had kids.

I love her and want only for her to be happy and successful. I imagine she wants the same for me. But whenever we go out at night, the “boys” flock to her. And she milks it for all it’s worth.

I don’t think she’s any prettier than I am or has that much of a better figure (though she is a few inches taller). We both smoke and drink, and smoke pot. I’m definitely funnier than she is and I think my smile is more welcoming.

I’ve been looking for a date for ages, and she just seems to get them all. What am I doing wrong?

Friend or Foe?

The only thing I can see that you’re doing wrong is comparing yourself to your friend. It wouldn’t matter if she were a super model – you’re not her and she’s not you.

Instead of competing and vying for attention from the same guys, be each other’s wing woman. Make it your mission to find EACH OTHER a date. Instead of pushing each other out of the way, walk arm-in-arm (metaphorically, but also physically) into the bar. Work together.

And if she doesn’t go for it, then maybe she’s not such a good friend.

My son is not part of the popular crowd and he’s extremely small for his age. He tries so hard to talk to the other kids in his grade, but they just ignore him, or don’t take him seriously.

I’m trying to help him find other friends, people who aren’t part of the “pack.” But he thinks if he’s not friends with those guys, then he’s just not worth being friends with anyone.

I couldn’t figure out how to get through to him.

A few weeks ago, I bumped into an old friend who has a son the same age. We then realized that they also go to the same school. Her son is quite tall in comparison to other kids his age, and he has been having the same issues, though he’s harder to ignore because of his height. We decided, even though boys can be shy and stubborn, to get them together. We got tickets to a sporting event, and the boys seemed to hit it off.

After, we each asked our child, if they would consider trying to make the friendship work. Ironically, they both said something to the effect of, “he won’t want to hang out with me. He’s too popular.”

How do we get these boys to see that friendship is about what’s inside and not what you look like?

Boy Moms

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Both of your sons think the other one is “too” popular to even want to be friends with them. And yet, both aren’t part of the “popular” gang.

You both need to tell your own son what the other one said about him. That will probably be a confidence booster. And since both boys know what it feels like to not be included, they hopefully will feel more inclined to include each other.

It’s a good lesson that they can learn from each other. The adage ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ applies, but also, don’t judge anybody before getting to know them personally.

FEEDBACK Regarding the stepmom rules (Sept. 2):

Reader – “I don't agree with the stepmom or your response.  I think it's wonderful that the teenage daughter feels at home in her father's house.  When we have teenagers, we don't give them schedules for when they can come home or need a heads up.  To put this teenager on a schedule will make her feel that she's not really a child of this home but some kind of guest who shows up only when expected.

“This stepmom will have to learn that when we have children, we are no longer as carefree as we once were.  She should consider herself lucky and not mind minor inconveniences.  For privacy, parents have a bedroom with a door and, if needed, a lock.”

Lisi – What works for you may not work for her, and vice versa. This stepmom would prefer a schedule. And that’s OK.