My boyfriend and I broke up almost two years ago. Unfortunately, we are still in contact because right before we broke up, I got pregnant. So, we have a child together that he chooses not to see but still helps financially. It hasn’t been easy being a single mom, and it breaks my heart that I have a child whose father isn’t remotely interested in being part of their life.

While we were together, we were friends with another couple. When we split, I didn’t stay close with that couple, but only because I was pregnant, working, alone, etc. Nothing personal against them. One of the reasons my ex and I split is that I believed he was cheating on me. That was confirmed and I walked away.

Now it’s awhile later and I heard that the other couple split up. I heard that she cheated on him…. and guess with who? Yup, my ex. And apparently, they started when we were still together. I decided to call her, feigning sympathy for the breakup that I heard through the grapevine. She answered and said she had moved on and was fine but appreciated the call. When I asked her what happened, she said, “I got carried away with someone you know, and I’d rather not discuss it.”

I’m so angry, I want to scream! What do I do?

Cheaters

Nothing to her, nothing to him. You grab a pillow and scream into it. And then you talk about it with a close friend and get it off your chest. If you have a therapist, you should talk about it with them.

You had a gut feeling that he was a cheater; it was proven years ago; you were smart enough to leave. This just puts a face and name to (one of) the other women.

He’s gross; she’s gross. You’re better off without them.

My son's dad and I are divorced and growing older each day. As we age, our son doesn't seem to know how to handle aging parents. I am 77; his dad is 79.

He never calls, texts or emails. If we don't call him, he never lifts a finger to find out how we may be doing.

Any advice?

Aging Alone

If possible, you and your ex need to sit down together with your son. Together you should talk about the future, which includes important information such as your wills, and who has power of attorney over both health and finances for each of you.

That’s a lot of information.

And then you need to discuss with him how you would like his help on a daily basis. That may be very different for you and your ex. For example, you might like him to call you on his way to work every morning, and your ex might not feel the need to speak to him daily.

You can’t expect him to know what you need unless you tell him what you need. And you can’t expect him to be able to do everything; he’s only one person.

FEEDBACK Regarding the not compatible couple (Aug. 28):

Reader – “How many people reading are envious of this couple, specifically NOT discussing work at home?

“Too many people bring their work home and their spouses are tired of it.

“Find a hobby together. They have a lot of things going right for them; be careful to not damage that.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the camp catastrophe (Aug. 28):

Reader – “The letter made it sound like she was in the boys’ cabin all night. I would gently try and find out what happened in that cabin that night. Hopefully nothing but it feels wrong.”

Reader #2 – “A lot depends upon whether she’s been going to the camp for several years and has an emotional attachment versus if she was a brand-new camper.  I did summer camp for 10 years. When we got caught doing something wrong, we didn’t even get scolded - just told not to do it again.

“Throwing people out should be reserved for serious breaches of safety where someone is injured or almost injured - not for this sort of thing. Instead, they might have used the situation as a learning experience for the girls as a group and reviewed concepts like the development of judgment.  Talked in a circle about how stepping forward is the best way and the coverup is worse.  Talk about why she would have been so afraid of being caught.  Work it out as a team.

“What happened to the boys?  Probably nothing.”