My girlfriend and I have been together just over a year. We recently went through a pregnancy scare, where the condom broke. I was very anxious because we aren’t ready to start a family – at least, I’m not. I was begging her to see a doctor, but she told me not to worry, that the timing in her cycle was such that she couldn’t get pregnant.

Then her period was late, and I saw her become slightly more anxious than she had been.  Fortunately, it was just late, but we both sighed collective relief.

This incident has put a wedge between us and I’m not sure why. I have told her numerous times that I love her, that I hope our relationship goes the distance, but we are only early 20s and have our whole lives ahead. I have assured her that I do, one day, want to have a family and be a father – just not right now.

She’s now pressuring me, questioning me, and stressing me out. How do I get her to relax and enjoy our relationship at the stage we’re at?

Not Ready

Every woman regards pregnancy differently, so I can’t speak for your girlfriend. Maybe this incident has caused her to worry that she can’t conceive; maybe she was told she can’t and hasn’t shared that with you. Maybe she secretly wished she had conceived. Who knows?

What I can tell you is that women go through a monthly cycle, not only of physical change, but those same hormones affect us (women) emotionally as well. Hopefully, none of this is a surprise to you.

Sit down with your girlfriend and have a big talk about the past, present and future. If you’re not in alignment, better to know now. If you are on the same page, then create a timeline, with some flexibility, but realistic parameters that you BOTH agree on. You need to work together to get through this and to a place where you’re moving forward, together.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding “Alone and Betrayed” (Aug. 2):

“I heard my own voice in this reader.  In my early life, I too wanted to fit in, but through the years I’ve realized that I don’t want to fit in with most people, and I’ve become accepting and proud of my ‘quirkiness,’ as my friends call it.  I’ve been alone almost all my life, an only child, few friends, disastrous short marriage, but my relationship with both parents was exceptionally close, reciprocal, and loyal.

“I also have a close and loving relationship with my only adult child, a daughter.  I’m very content and happy on my own and am not lonely.  I’ve accomplished a lot in my life. But I’m too honest, too open and authentic.  Unlike many people, I don’t know how to deceive and manipulate.  I have a hard time reading people unless they’re honest and upfront, like me.  I don’t understand subtle hints.  I think that this comes from being an only child, an introvert, with introvert parents.

“Don’t beat yourself up. Write those people off.  Be proud of who you are, what you’ve achieved on your own.  What makes your situation difficult is that you still work with these people.  I have a job I love, but at times I’ve worked with mean people who stabbed me in the back, tried to get rid of me.  I stuck up for myself, found allies, am in a union, and they failed.  They moved on, and I’m still here.”

Quirky

I want to start my life over. My marriage is failing, I don’t relate to my children, my parents have both recently passed, and my two siblings aren’t speaking to me.

I love my children, but they just live their lives completely differently than me. I’ve tried to maintain some sort of relationship with them, but I don’t respect them, and they’re not interested, which makes it very difficult. And my wife is having an affair, which everyone knows, but she pretends isn’t happening.

I’d love to move to a different country, change my name and start a new life. Can I?

Refresh

You can…. but is that really going to help? I’m sorry for the loss of your parents, but that’s the cycle of life. If your marriage is over, get a divorce. If your siblings are angry, then let them be.

But don’t give up on your children.

There’s nothing wrong with moving, changing your career or lifestyle. It’s your life and you should live it to the fullest. But move for the right reasons and not to run away.