I am overweight and have always been this way. Part of it is genetic and part of it is that I abhor exercise and adore food. I understand the problem. I’ve just never cared that much.

But I’ve just been to the doctor, and she is insisting that I lose weight for my health and well-being. I have no idea where to start or how to go about this. But I’m also afraid. Who will I be if I’m not the same person I am now? Will my fat friends still want to be friends with me?

I’m scared and need help.

Fat and Happy

If your doctor is insisting you lose weight for your health, then there’s really no choice, assuming you want to continue living happily, as your sign-off suggests. If you have benefits, and/or can afford it, I strongly suggest you seek the professional help of a dietician and/or nutritionist. They will help you look at your lifestyle, your food intake, your capabilities and assess the situation.

You know that you’re going to need to make some changes. That you’re going to need to embrace some physical exercise and say NO to some foods. You know all this already.

You will be the same person you already are on the inside, just slightly different on the outside. Are you the same person in your jeans as you are in a dress? Yes. Will your fat friends still like you? I sincerely hope so. And if they don’t, then maybe they weren’t true friends to begin with.

Good luck! You can do this!

My husband used to be very close friends with the husband of one of my friends. Over the past few years, she and I have grown apart. We initially became friends through the children when they were very little. Our friendship lasted longer than theirs; they went to different schools and had different interests.

But now our lifestyles have become very different, and it’s affected our friendship. The husbands were still close, and separately from us, but I’ve recently noticed that they’re not communicating much.

Can I ask what’s going on? Should I get involved? And should I feel any guilt since I can only imagine that our waning friendship has affected theirs.

Couple friendships

Of course you can ask! He’s your husband and (hopefully) one of your closest friends. But no, you should not get involved. And again, no, you should not feel any guilt.

Do they get together less because their wives no longer plan dinners or evenings out? Maybe, but these men are both adults and can make their own plans. Perhaps part of their connection was simply through their wives and since that has diminished, so has theirs. If so, no love lost. Either way, it’s not on you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person suffering from estrangement from her family (June 30):

Reader – “Reading between the lines seems there is still much confusion and maybe regret.

“I totally agree that her mental health MUST be her priority. I would suggest she document her FULL journey regarding how and why she got to where she is today.  I find that sometimes I don’t say what I want/need to say when I’m talking. Writing will allow her to get her thoughts stated clearly and allow her to edit. May also be cathartic and mind clearing experience for her.

“Why do her parents not understand?  What has not been said?  Could they be open to change and addressing the issues?”

Lisi – As the reader themselves notes, the estrangement was unplanned and gradual. According to them, the father is a sick man who was abusive. At some point, enough became enough.

Reader’s Commentary on her own estrangement (June 30):

“I don’t have children so the decision to estrange was much easier. I didn’t plan to estrange from my parents - it just happened gradually as I started to feel better emotionally and mentally.

“I agree with you that they did the best they could BUT, when my father’s actions were inexcusable, I had to make that choice. His alcoholism, sexual abuse and mental abuse were too much. My mother protected him and made excuses for him. My father doesn’t think there is anything wrong with his behaviour. I’m the problem.

“My father is a sick man. I have accepted that. Yes, grace is important, and my grace is toward myself and self-care, putting myself first. As I mentioned previously, I wish them well. I understand that you responded to this email with the information you were given. I thought I would add a little more.”

Anonymous