My husband was left his family’s cottage in his parents’ will. His younger sister married a wealthy man with a family cottage of his own, and she agreed that their parents could give their cottage to her brother. I was so grateful because I’ve always loved the cottage, even though it’s run down.

Shortly after both parents passed, a storm hit the area, and the cottage literally fell in on itself. Luckily there was insurance and after a massive clean out, salvage and destruction, we started on rebuilding including a much-needed update and renovation.

We had to engage an architect and a builder; it was a massive undertaking. We started on the journey together, but I allowed my husband to take the reins more, make many of the final decisions and I often acquiesced when we disagreed, understanding that he had more of an emotional attachment.

My issue is that this rebuild has been going on for over four years! I understood that the insurance claim and removal took longer than I had anticipated. I was fine that we started the reno/rebuild later than expected. But I can’t understand why it’s taking so long to get it to a livable state!

We’ve lost three full summers already and it’s still not ready. When can I storm in and take over to get this done?!?

Rebuild Regret

I believe you can ask for a meeting with the architect, the builder and your husband, under the guise of determining when to call in a designer. That may not even be a stretch, if you’re planning on getting some decorating help.

Though the cottage came into the marriage through your husband, it’s now as much yours as it is his. You were kind and thoughtful to give him more sway, but you need to have a timeline that you can work with. There’s nothing wrong with that. And you need to keep the builder on schedule. They almost always go over their estimated timeline but often need a push to dot their i’s and cross their t’s (as said to me by a contractor).

Your husband will be grateful for your help, if it means getting to enjoy the cottage even one season sooner.

A friend of mine just threw me under the bus and I have no idea why. A few of us had planned to go on a golfing weekend. I gave the weekends I was available, and everyone else threw out theirs. There was only one week that matched everyone, and another that matched everyone but me.

We all agreed on the weekend that matched everyone’s schedule and one guy said he would book it. Two weeks before we were leaving, he sent out a reminder. I noticed he had booked the wrong weekend and commented in our group chat. Another friend commented he had also noticed. The guy who did the booking argued that we had agreed on that weekend, but the rest of us argued that was our backup weekend which would have excluded me.

He barely apologized, noted that everyone could make it but me, and shut down the conversation. What should I do?

No Golf

There’s nothing you can do unless you can make yourself available. Otherwise, obviously don’t pay and make a mental note that person isn’t a trustworthy friend. Everyone makes mistakes but he wasn’t remorseful or even offered to try to change the dates.

Find some other golf buddies.

FEEDBACK Regarding allergies (May 26):

Reader #1 – “I too suffer from allergies and feel very sorry for the young girl who breaks out.  You suggested she talk to her doctor but the person she should talk to is her pharmacist.”

Reader #2 – “I would recommend taking local honey as a sugar substitute.  It’s not a cure but seems to get the system ready for the season. I use about half a teaspoon, about the same as sugar, in my coffee all year.  But it must be local to where you live.  The grocery store version just won’t do.”

Reader #3 – “I suffered from fall allergies for 17 years until I took a series of injections which are a tiny bit of the allergen gradually increasing in dose. I took them for five years but felt the benefit almost immediately.

“You start in the winter and gradually build up. My son also took them with miraculous results.

“Her doctor should have referred her to an allergist to determine what the main trigger is. There’s no need to suffer and it sounds as though her symptoms are quite serious.”