I’m a woman in my 60s, estranged from my parents for almost two years. They have written me letters, and we have spoken on the phone several times. My parents don’t understand the estrangement. They think it happened suddenly. This was not the case for me.

The decision to walk away and estrange myself from them came with a lot of grieving, and a lot of counselling. My distancing started many years ago by setting boundaries such as not coming home for the holidays and agreeing to visit only once a year for three days and staying in a hotel room. Even with these set boundaries my mental health deteriorated. The only choice left was estrangement.

It is sad and I wish things were different. But my mental health comes first. I wish my parents well and hopefully they get the help they need. I’m not asking if you think I did the right thing, just your thoughts on this issue.

Anonymous 

I agree with you that your mental health comes first, but I also agree that it’s very sad to have to cut off all ties with your parents. You didn’t mention if you have any children of your own, but I’m guessing you don’t. I say that because I think you would try even harder not to cut ties, knowing how much it would hurt if your children ever did that to you.

Your parents may be horrible to you, but I can almost guarantee that they are doing the best they can. We are all products of our environment, our upbringing, our parents’ upbringing and so many other factors…. It’s impossible for parents to know exactly what to do in every situation. Kids don’t come with a handbook.

Again, I’m sorry your situation has reached this point, and I’m sure you’re doing what’s best for you. Just remember to give your parents a bit of grace.

I had a fight with a friend and I just can’t get back to where we once were in our friendship. I have completely forgiven her for all misunderstandings, and she says she’s forgiven me, but…… it still feels as though she’s angry. We used to meet up for lunch at least once a week as we work very close to each other. And we spoke almost daily on our way home from work, often making plans to go out and socialize.

The fight was about our boyfriends because they don’t like each other as much as we want them to, so it makes it hard to go out the four of us. Truthfully, neither my boyfriend nor I like her boyfriend. He’s pompous, arrogant and treats her like a trophy wife. He’s always talking down to her in front of us.

We had gone out the four of us with another couple and were having a fun night, dinner with lots of drinks. I admit my boyfriend was slightly drunk, but he spoke his mind. He lambasted her boyfriend for draping himself all over her and mistreating her at the table.

The whole thing blew up, but we’ve apologized to each other and agreed to keep our friendship separate from our guys. But something’s still off.

Friendship gone wrong

Imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned and her boyfriend called your boyfriend out for treating you badly – in front of you AND other people. No wonder she’s upset! I think your boyfriend needs to apologize to her privately and tell her why he feels this way. She deserves to know.

But she must come to the realization that she deserves to be treated better. You just need to be there to support her.

FEEDBACK Regarding advice to a chalet owner ((April 11):
Reader – “You advised the person complaining about her guests that she should clearly state what she expects guests to bring, i.e. sheets, wine, etc.

“I agree it's acceptable to ask friends to provide one meal if staying the whole weekend, but that’s the limit. Most considerate guests would probably bring some drinks and help with washing up, meal prep, etc. If not, they shouldn't be invited again. But asking people to bring their own linens? Too much. They’re guests, not hotel staff.

“If it's too much work for the hosts, it's best they keep their chalet to themselves.”

Lisi – I don’t agree. It’s so easy to bring your own sheets, put them on over the owners’ sheets, and take them off when you leave. Your sheets; your laundry. Otherwise, your host is expected to do laundry and make beds after every guest. That’s too much.