My boyfriend and I have a healthy sex life but for one issue: he’s too quick to open the door. As soon as we start kissing, he wants to get right in there. That’s fun occasionally, but I prefer the lead-up. I like the kissing part. I like that kissing can make you feel so good all over. I like the touching part. I like that touching can melt your body into each other’s.
Basically, I like lengthy foreplay, and he wants to skip the appetizer and get right to the main course. And let me tell you, he’s good at what he does. I don’t have any problem with his sexual prowess when we’re in full swing. I just want to take our time getting there.
How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?
Appetizer, please
Talking to your partner about these types of issues can seem scary and I get that. However, it’s the only way to tell them how you’re feeling and make any positive change. Now I’m not a sex therapist and you may want to discuss your situation with a professional. But I would suggest showing your boyfriend what you want with actions.
In this situation, it might work to start a kissing fest a few minutes before you need to leave for an event. Make the kissing hot and heavy so you leave him panting and wanting more. On another occasion, give yourself slightly more time and turn the kissing into heavy petting – again, with a definitive stop time. Show him how sexy it is to just kiss, or to touch each other in ways that make you want to keep going.
Now go for it. Make time for a lengthy lovemaking session during which you kiss it out, touch each other until neither of you can hold back and you move straight into intercourse, the main meal.
My boyfriend has stopped initiating sex with me. He’ll comply when I initiate, but if I don’t, he can’t be bothered. I didn’t notice at first, but when I did, I started to test my theory. I would leave it for a day, then initiate; then two days, three days, etc. We’ve gone several months – even though I’m desperate for him – just to see if he would come to me. But he doesn’t. EVER!
I’m frustrated and not sure I want to stay with someone who isn’t sexual. What’s going on with him?
Not Into Me
You may be correct in your sign off, that your boyfriend is just not that into you. Which is understandably hurtful and confusing since he’s still your boyfriend. Or, he may have a very low libido and only “need” sex whenever presented to him, but not enough to make him initiate. The only way you’re going to know what’s going on is if you talk to him.
And at this point, you have nothing to lose. Our libidos ebb and flow throughout our lifetime, however, if you and your partner are out of sync from day one, it may not be worth the effort to fight for compatibility.
I’m a teenage girl and I think I like girls better than I like boys. What do I do? Am I gay?
No name
You may be gay, you may be bisexual, you may be unsure and looking to experiment. It is all OK and 100 per cent normal. If you feel safe talking to your friends about it, share with them. If you feel safe talking to your parents about it, then share with them.
Hopefully, the people who love you the most will support you no matter who you date or fall in love with.
FEEDBACK Regarding denied grandparents (March 12):
Reader #1 – “Anyone who is familiar with the concept of the missing missing reasons immediately saw this letter for what it is: Members of estranged parents' forums often say their children never gave them any reason for the estrangement, then turn around and reveal that their children did tell them why. But the reasons their children gave — the infamous missing reasons — are missing.
“The letter could almost be the poster child for the concept. The writer absolutely knows what they did wrong, and they have been told repeatedly until their son and daughter-in-law had no choice but to put some distance between them.
“Your response to them should have been: ‘you've done enough, leave them alone!’”
Reader #2 – “These grandparents have legal rights and should seek an attorney ASAP. This will force their children to explain their reasoning and begin any legal process necessary to facilitate visitation.”