I’m thinking of asking my girlfriend to marry me, but it’s a big ask. I just got a special job halfway across the world from my parents, and just as far away from hers. She would be leaving all our family and friends behind. I don’t think my position in my current location is permanent, but I can’t promise her that we’ll “go home” after a year or two or even three. I’m not sure what I would say if I were in her position. But I know if I don’t ask her, I’ll lose her forever.
What do you think?
On the brink
I think I don’t have enough information to make an educated guess. However, it sounds to me as though you have everything to lose by not asking, and nothing to lose by popping the question.
She knows the situation. She’ll follow her heart, depending on her life and how she spends her days. Can she just up and leave her job? Can she get a job wherever you’re going? If she’s on a career trajectory and this will end that, she may say no based on the work she’s put in to get where she’s going.
Based on the little information I have, I’m going to suggest you take the risk and ask her. If you don’t, you’ll never know and there goes that relationship. If you ask and she says no, then you know you tried. If you ask and she says yes, then you have some planning to do.
Wishing you good luck!
I never thought I’d get married or have the chance to have children. I dated men, had a few very intense relationships, but they all fizzled out. As the years passed, my friends were all getting married, having children and moving ahead with their lives. I remained single. All I ever wanted was to be a mom.
Everyone tried to set me up with their friends, cousins, brothers-in-law, but no one clicked. I resigned myself to a life different than the one I had envisioned.
Then one day, I walked into a bakery and got caught in a conversation with a man buying croissants. We chatted for so long that I missed my dentist appointment! We fell in love quickly, married quickly and tried to have a family. It didn’t work. Our combined biological clocks had expired. Through much effort and several failed attempts, we managed to foster and then adopt a baby boy.
I am living MY dream! But I hear a lot of chatter from women who call themselves feminists that I shouldn’t have tried so hard. That obviously I wasn’t meant to get married or be a mother. That if I had just let things be, I should have been happy.
Who are they to judge me?
Happy but Judged
NO ONE has the right to sit in judgement over you. If your dream was to be married and be a mother, then you did everything in your power to realize that dream. Why is that different then if your dream was to be a doctor? If you had to take course after course, move to another country to get into med school, take your first job in some remote village where they needed a doctor, you would have done all that and more, and NO ONE would have said anything negative.
Your dream is yours to dream and turn into reality, no matter what that takes. Those women who call you out are either jealous or nasty, or both. Don’t pay any attention.
You are living YOUR best life. Enjoy it!
FEEDBACK Regarding the theft during the home renovation (Feb. 18):
Reader – “How did the general contractor respond when you called? They hired the subcontractors, the alleged thieves, but any legal action would be taken against them since the renovation contract is with them.
“Absolutely contact law enforcement and a lawyer. But, also make a formal complaint to the Better Business Bureau and public opinion sites, such as HomeStars.
“Try to compile as detailed a list as possible of everything that was in the boxes. I would also contact the sister who may be able to help regarding the items she wanted. Try to also assign value to each item.
“Immediately stop all payments to the contractor. This is considered a breach of contract. What is the contractor willing to offer as compensation?
“HomeStars is Canada’s largest network of verified and community-reviewed home service professionals, according to Google. In addition to making a complaint and reporting the issue, you’ll need to find a new contractor to finish the job.”