We have been crushed. Out of the blue, our two children (both in their fifties) sent us emails stating they no longer want any communication with us. We asked why and got no response. We asked if we could phone, and the response was no.

Until this happened, we were talking and visiting both children like any normal family. Both my wife and I are lost, and we really don't know what to do.

Crushed and Confused

There must be more to this story. And unfortunately, when you say it happened “out of the blue,” it most certainly wasn’t that for your children. I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but there are AT LEAST two sides to every story. And I get the feeling that your children have been discussing this for some time.

I don’t know what the “last straw” was, but something must have been bothering both of your children for some time for them to BOTH have walked away, seemingly in cahoots.

Do you have any family? Siblings of yours who are aunts/uncles to your children? Perhaps you could recruit them to help you get some answers. Be confident that they won’t get involved other than to share information. Once you have the “reason” for the break in contact, you can deal with the issue head-on. Without that, you’re floundering.

Good luck and let me know what happens.

My sister-in-law was in a terrible car accident and is in the hospital with multiple injuries, including head trauma. She and her husband have been going through a rough patch, and he was planning on moving out at the end of the month. Obviously, he is now staying in the home with the children.

However, my SIL had privately shared with me that one of the reasons their marriage has gone to hell is due to his drinking. Apparently, he puts alcohol in his coffee first thing in the morning and sips whatever he can hide all day long. By the end of the workday, he’s usually too drunk to drive, but doesn’t let on. She figured it out and now does ALL the after-school pick-ups and drop offs because she doesn’t want their children in a car with him while he’s under the influence.

He doesn’t know that I know, and I would hate to break her confidence. But I’m afraid for the children’s safety. What should I do?

Secrets and Safety

I understand your desire to keep your “pillow talk” with your SIL under lock and key. That shows me that you have deep love and loyalty to her. However, her children’s health and safety could be at risk if their father puts them in his car while he’s under the influence.

And if he has a drinking problem, which it sounds like he does, this incident with his wife is either going to push him over the edge or sober him up once and for all. But until you know which way he’s leaning, you need to protect the children.

Can you step in and become their Uber driver? If yes, you’ll be doing such a good deed. If no, can you share the responsibility with your partner? Other family members? Friends? I know it’s taking on a lot, and you didn’t mention your own life at all, but again, it’s about the safety of the children.

And if the only way to keep them safe is to let him know that you know, then so be it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the young couple trying to get ahead but unable to save (Jan. 30):

Reader – “I would suggest that her and her husband meet with a financial planner to set goals.  Also, my grandmother-in-law suggested that we keep track of everything we spend.  Review at months’ end.  You can see where you leak money, on coffee or lunches. Sometimes it’s an eye opener.”

Been there

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother concerned about her daughter’s nail biting (Jan. 30):

Reader – “I bit my nails for nearly 50 years. It’s a bad habit, and may not look great, but it may not be due to some kind of stressor. The more my mother bothered me about it, the more I did it. Half the time I didn't even know I was doing it.

“I finally stopped, at age 51, when I got gel nails. They're now too hard to bite and my nail-biting habit has stalled. Maybe Mom can take her daughter for a manicure. Or not. Nail-biting is just a habit. Nothing more.”