My boyfriend has a female bestie. She’s super cool and I enjoyed her company when we first met. But once she gave me the stamp of approval, and our relationship became slightly more serious, she started to throw glitches.
For example, we planned a weekend away to go wine tasting. We booked a room, researched the wineries we wanted to explore, made a reservation for dinner and got organized. We told her all about it, as you do when chatting with friends. It was going to be our first romantic weekend away, and she knew that.
As we were checking in at the hotel, she arrived with two girlfriends and “surprised” us, so we could all have a fun weekend together. I let it go in the moment, and we DID have a fun weekend. But I’m so annoyed that my boyfriend didn’t seem to mind.
Is this relationship doomed?
Three’s a crowd
The relationship isn’t necessarily doomed IF you and your boyfriend get on the same page. Talk to him about the weekend. Ask him how he felt when his bestie showed up with her posse. Ask him to dig deep and think about how he would have felt if the tables were turned.
If he wants this relationship, he needs to set some boundaries with his female buddy. I would hate for it to get to the point where he needs to choose one of you over the other.
What’s a diplomatic way of handling a hostess gift that is off? We recently had street friends over, including someone who is a bit of a frenemy, but I couldn’t in good conscience not invite them.
We’ve had some history with these people. Once, instead of giving me a heads up privately through social media (we chat frequently) regarding a mishap at our house while we were on holiday, they escalated the issue to the residents’ board. The residents board privately reached out, explaining the situation so I could address the problem. The board didn’t say who complained but details in the photos and the topic were giveaways. Upon our return, we joked about the issue when we caught them doing almost the same thing. They were extremely upset.
Fast forward, we didn’t want to escalate the issue, so we invited them to our BBQ. They could have declined but surprisingly opted to attend. The frenemy neighbours arrived with a hostess gift of a stunning home-baked cake and said it was just for us for later.
The next morning, we tried the cake, and something was off - we think the icing. We debated whether it was just our taste buds or maybe an ingredient gone bad. It tasted like chemicals. If this were a great friend, I would tell them that I thought something was off with the icing. But if I say something to this person, it won’t be well received and very likely will set things way back.
What do you think?
Poisoned Apples
I don’t think you should say anything. If she baked the cake as a gesture of goodwill, and you point out that the icing was tainted, you’ll ruin her gesture, and she’ll never want to be friends again.
If she baked the cake purposefully to make you sick, then she’ll be hoping you say something. Don’t give her the satisfaction.
This person isn’t really a true friend. You don’t trust her, and she has no loyalty. Maintain a respectful acquaintanceship solely because you live in the same complex. Enjoy your other friends.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose boyfriend’s mother invited her on vacation (Jan. 3):
Reader – “I was surprised at the boyfriend's reaction. If he really cared for her, I would have thought that he would have been overjoyed that his family liked her so much that they invited her to join them. But they should have told him before they invited her.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the only child who lies (Jan. 2):
Reader – “Why would she say that her friend lies because she’s an only child? Whaaat? What does being an only child have to do with lying?
“Perhaps you can do a post on Only Children and the many misconceptions there are of them.”
Parent of an Only Child
Lisi – There are misconceptions about all children. A typical “middle child” should behave a certain way, as should the youngest and the oldest. Most kids I know don’t fall into a category.