We have recently learned that someone working at our country club - which is closed now for the season, but when open, runs tennis, golf and swim for all ages, including children - was arrested on pedophilia and rape charges. According to the news, this was his first arrest but not the first time police have looked at him for other charges.

How does a person like that get hired at a family place of business? What is the vetting process? Is that type of information made public for employers?

Several mothers and I are in an outrage as we had small children under his care last summer. Thankfully, there was always another person around and I feel confident that nothing untoward happened to my child. But who knows? And why put this person in a situation where he has access to his illegal activities?

Now I’m looking sideways at everyone who works there. Do I have a leg to stand on to ask the club to do a background check on all employees who are working anywhere near the children?

Petrified Parent

I think you have every right to have a discussion with your general manager and those who do the hiring. They need to know that this person slipped under their radar. Luckily, I hope, he didn’t do any harm to anyone at your club. I assure you that the club doesn’t want something like this to happen on their property because, besides the obvious negative outcomes, it’s bad for business. They’ll lose members.

So, yes, hopefully they are already on it and have their legal team looking more closely at potential employees, especially those who have access to the children. If this information, and how the organization handled it, makes you uncomfortable, consider finding a new club.

For my own well-being, I feel I must distance myself from a longtime friend. How do I do this so neither gets hurt? This person is condescending. Thinks that they are smarter than everyone and is negative about so many people and things.

I am indirectly insulted. However, I do enjoy some things with them.

Do I just walk away? I have already spoken to this person about the condescending behaviour.

What do I do?

Condescending Comrade

Friendship is about raising each other up. It’s about being there for the other person. It’s about listening without judging. Friends make you feel good about yourself, and vice versa. If someone is condescending to you, they are putting you down and purposefully making you feel less than. That’s not a friend.

Yes, some people are smarter than others, but that shouldn’t come in to play with your friends, unless you’re sharing wisdom and information. Some people are also more prone to negativity than others. If you’re a positive person, it’s hard to be around negative people.

I would give it one last chance. Tell this person how much you enjoy doing certain things with them, and how you have enjoyed your years of friendship. But be honest and explain that their negativity and condescension is putting you off and you think you two should take a break from spending time together, for both your sakes.

It’s OK to step back from friendships. Friendships need space to grow.

FEEDBACK Regarding the vaping employee (Dec. 19):

Reader – “It’s bad enough that she goes out for a tobacco vape, never mind THC. Why should she get a break every 60 minutes? Sorry, never could figure that out. Just notify HR. She’s not doing her job properly. She can have her breaks when everyone else does. The THC, just no. Her employer needs to know that. It impacts every other employee.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the hairy wife (Dec. 21):

Reader – “This gent chooses to trim his own bush but now has decided that his wife needs to trim hers if she wants any intimacy.

“As you noted, her body is her own. If she wasn't showering, I could see where he would have room for complaint. I have yet to see a man, who truly cares about a woman and/or wants to have sex, say no because she's got hair, weight, stretch marks etc. Most men consider themselves lucky when a woman agrees to disrobe!

“As for your suggestion that they go to the spa together, I'm all for it! However, he should be right beside her getting a full Brazilian. I can assure you they will NOT be jumping into the hot tub after that! All this for a picky person who, I'm betting, has other issues than just her bush? Hell no.”