I’ve been hanging out with this girl at work for the past nine months. We get along great, know a lot of the same people outside of work, and the friendship just makes our workplace a more fun place to be. We bring each other coffee in the morning, take lunch together most days and even party on the weekends. I would consider her one of my closest friends at this point in my life.

That’s the background. Two days ago, she didn’t answer her phone on the way in to work, so I just picked up her usual. When I went to her office to drop it off, she was nowhere to be found. I thought I saw her down the hall right before lunch, but she didn’t emerge, so I went to lunch alone. After lunch, I was called in to HR and told that my services were no longer needed at the office. It wasn’t ugly, just completely out of nowhere. I wasn’t escorted to my office, but someone came in quickly and took my computer. I tried to find my friend, but she was either hiding or not there.

I’ve spoken to a lawyer with regards to the work issue, but I’m more confused about my friend. She has ghosted me ever since. What happened???

Confused and Fired

I’m glad you’re seeking legal counsel with regards to your job. Depending on the company, the type of work you do, how long you’ve been employed there, there are protocols for letting people go. From your description, it sounds as though this dismissal came out of left field. You need to explore your legal rights.

As for your friend, this is confusing. Do you think she had something to do with your dismissal? If so, why? That would explain her sudden disappearance. Or perhaps she was told that she would be next if…. And is trying to distance herself from you – for whatever reason.

The whole thing is a mystery. I’m the type of person who prefers closure, so I would seek more information. Obviously calling her is getting you nowhere. Send her an email/text/chat. Tell her that you have no idea what is going on and that you’d like to understand why she has pulled away from you without explanation. Tell her that - if this is how you feel - your friendship and your job are separate, and that even if you no longer work together, you’d still like to be friends.

I’d love to know the conclusion of this story.

FEEDBACK Regarding the embarrassed teenager (Dec. 3):

Reader – “This sounds like an undiagnosed and unmanaged case of inattentive type ADHD. Having been diagnosed in adulthood myself, I look back and see now that everything I thought were personal shortcomings were actually symptoms: failing to follow through on tasks, difficulty focusing, being easily distracted, forgetfulness to the point of impairment, and getting flustered when overwhelmed.

“Most people are only familiar with hyperactive type ADHD, but the inattentive type is more often found in women and girls, leading to later diagnoses compared to men and boys. There’s also the possibility that her mother is going through menopause, which exacerbates symptoms and has even been known to cause some undiagnosed ADHD women to suspect dementia.

“I feel for the mother. I know all too well the utter confusion, frustration, disappointment, and even self-hatred of trying your hardest and letting everyone down anyway, especially prediagnosis. My mind wouldn't cooperate with me, and I didn't know why, so I blamed myself for it.

“I would recommend they research inattentive type ADHD and talk to her doctor about it. Once I was diagnosed, I was able to learn coping mechanisms, get medication, and most importantly become kinder to myself. I'm hopeful this can improve her mother's life.”

I’m part of a group of friends who do everything together. We played hockey together as kids, attended the same high school, and now go to the same university. I still like them a lot, but I’ve changed. I’m less interested in drinking every night and finding someone to fool around with, and more interested in my studies, reading and watching a good movie. My friends are annoyed with me, but I don’t think that’s fair.

How do I navigate this change?

Growing up

Your friends are hurt that you don’t want to spend time with them. They don’t understand that it’s not about them, but about their activities. Focus on your studies. Invite one of them to the movies. Join them for one drink. Give them time. They’ll grow up.