My brother is so overtly suggestive with his wife in my presence, and I find it annoying and disgusting. He’ll comment on her breasts, grab her butt, make lewd comments – all in the span of a dinner. I don’t know if he speaks like that in front of everyone, whenever they go out, or if it’s just for my benefit. For some reason, I think the latter.

He’s my little brother and has always felt competitive with me. His wife is very pretty, with a fabulous fit figure. She’s also very nice and I like her a lot. I have no idea why she’s with him when he treats her so poorly and acts like a heathen. But there’s no competition from my end; though she’s lovely, she’s not my type.

I asked my dad if he notices this same type of behaviour when they go to our parents for dinner, but he doesn’t notice it ever. Is it my imagination?

Obscene Bro

I can’t tell you if you’re imagining things or not. Your description sounds plausible, and the fact that your dad doesn’t notice doesn’t mean anything. I have a friend who is like that with his wife, especially when he’s had a drink or two. She rolls her eyes and laughs, and if he gets too “grabby” she tells him to keep his hands to himself.

According to Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr., a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, marriage counselor and bestselling author, men often grope and grab their wives inappropriately thinking it will lead to sexual activity. Wrong! Read this website for more information on guidelines for groping and grabbing.

Perhaps show this same website (Marriage builders) to your brother and explain to him how inappropriate it is in public, even in front of his siblings. Impress upon him that his wife probably hates it too.

My roommate recently started dating a woman who seems nice enough. They’ve gone out numerous times and she’s been over at our place. This isn’t the first woman he’s had in his bed since we’ve been roommates, however, it’s the first time I’ve had to move my bed to the opposite wall because of his sexual activity.

I spoke to him about it after the second incident, and we laughed and agreed I should probably move my bed, which I did. But even with my bed on the other side of the room, they shake the walls and wake me up.

Is it fine for me to ask him to move HIS bed to the other side of his room? Also, do I have the right to ask him to give me a heads-up when she’s coming over? They really make a lot of noise.

Raucous Sex

I don’t see why not…. you two were able to talk about it laughingly once; you should be able to continue the conversation in a lighthearted manner. You’re not asking for much – a simple heads-up when he plans on bringing her back to your shared home. You’re not expected or obligated to vacate – it’s your choice. Hopefully, if you have a big day ahead and explain that you need your sleep, he can make plans in advance to go to her place or simply spend the night apart.

You once used the term “mantrum” in your column. Are you suggesting that adult women don't throw fits? That has not been my experience. I object to this sexist insult to half of humanity. You would never use the word "womantrum."

Insulted

You’re right. I would use the word “femtrum,” which I prefer as opposed to those many others who refer to women throwing fits as “hysterical.”

Everyone is allowed to have a bad day, and if we can label it, why not? It’s not a personal insult.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who discovered photos of herself on her boyfriend’s computer (Nov. 9):

Reader – “GET THE POLICE INVOLVED NOW.

“This guy has already shown that he does not respect you and cannot be trusted.  Trust is the foundation of ANY successful relationship. I would have the police visit before the boyfriend discovers that she knows.  He needs to be arrested and removed NOW.  And his computer needs to be seized before any further damage is done.

“What I would be concerned about is ‘revenge porn.’  If he knows she knows and is planning to take legal action he can start posting for public consumption.  Once something is posted on the internet, it’s ALWAYS on the internet.

“I wouldn’t mention this to anyone else other than law enforcement. This guy is a sexual predator and needs to be stopped now. Who else might he have done this to?”