My sister and her husband are opposites in many ways. I have more in common with him. I only see them once a month, but he and I have a better flow of conversation and similar sense of humour.

My sister doesn't like this, though it's not flirtation or anything going on. She's included. I spend my time with her, but if he joins us, we just hit it off.

She recently brought it to our attention. I'm single, so I think she's insecure with me being around him. Anyway, I said I won't come over anymore and haven't been back.

Recently, she called me to come over and meet his family; she seemed overwhelmed by them. His family gravitated towards me, his sisters were only paying attention to me, and it made me very uncomfortable. Again, she got upset and I haven't heard from her since. I know that it's not my problem, or maybe it is?

Confused

Sure, it's your problem too, as well as her husband's.... unless neither of you care about her feelings. You likely already know she's insecure, and this isn't a totally new competition between you, even if you didn't mean to have one.

Refusing to visit her is overreaction.... unless any efforts you make to improve things are rejected.

Some steps to try: Meet your sister outside the house every now and then - a dinner together, movie, shopping trip, whatever, to just be sisters.

When you visit them both, focus on her, despite your different personalities. When he sees that you keep drawing her into the conversation, rather than chat more with him, he'll hopefully do the same.

My husband and I are in a heated argument over his father, who forgets to wash his hands after using the bathroom. Our son is three, and I'm pregnant. I'm no germophobe, but I worry about the boy and me picking up something, after he's touched some washroom surface. I cringe to think he may be handling our newborn when he/she arrives and passing illnesses onto him/her.

We only get my in-laws a couple of times a year. But whenever we visit, we can't relax, as I'm constantly worried that we're being put at risk. We're potty-training our son and make a big deal out of hand-washing afterwards.

My husband is as frustrated with his father as I am and agrees that this basic hygiene is important. He's embarrassed about having to confront his dad. I feel my husband should be doing more to make it clear, as gentle reminders aren't working.

I've suggested he talk to his mother and ask her to remind her husband. But he's afraid of creating hurt feelings. I'd confront my in-laws myself but don't know that it's my place to do so. Am I overreacting?

Very Frustrated

You're both over-stressing about what to do when solutions are fairly simple and non-confrontational. Carry two bottles of moisturizing hand sanitizer with you when you visit... one to place in the bathroom, one in your purse.

When his father comes out of a washroom, hand it to him. Your husband must say, "We're using this all the time now, Dad, to protect the kids and us, with so many colds, flu's, and other bugs floating around these days. We'd like you to protect yourself, too."

Buy a bottle for their washroom, and keep one in yours. This isn't confrontation, it's helpful information, and yes, it's your husband's job to make sure it's given.

FEEDBACK Regarding the person who witnessed a workplace assault. (May 13):

Reader - "In some jurisdictions, (such as Ontario) laws about Occupational Safety include workplace violence and harassment. Employers are required to assess employee risk, have policy and procedures in place to address both issues, train employees, and most importantly, ACT in all incidents.

"Employees have a responsibility to inform management of incidents of violence and harassment, and there cannot be any negative consequences to the employee for reporting in good faith.

"The person may have a good job that's hard to replace, especially in this economy.... but it'd be more appropriate for the offending party to be disciplined appropriately and the threat of violence removed."

Others wrote me about this legislation and hopefully it exists in many other areas. Just accepting the fact of violent and aggressive behaviour from a boss, even to another, leaves everyone in that environment at risk.