My wife hired her girlfriend to move here from another country as the live-in nanny for our kids, two and a half years ago. During the first year, my wife was on maternity leave, during the second year she was working part-time.

The two women were together all the time that they could be, and my wife has totally changed. She doesn't tell me where they're going and when they'll return. She announces she's leaving at the last second; they'll go out together shopping or partying.

She spent a lot of money, which is my worry. I work full-time and when I get home I need to help kids with homework, all my time is spent either at work or with kids.

From the second year on, her girlfriend started going to English school at daytime and we hired a temporary babysitter and daycare center to make the schedule work.

We're supporting our kids, her girlfriend, the temporary babysitter, and daycare center. Our savings ran out months ago, I start borrowing money to make ends meet.

Meanwhile, many altercations occurred between us, I sometimes lose my temper, and both my wife and her girlfriend are very angry with me. Can this situation be changed?

Frustrated

The girlfriend has to leave; she's already damaging the marriage. Your wife will object - and may even choose her friend over you - but you both better face that reality now, because your household is in turmoil, which means the kids are also being affected even if you don't see that yet.

Your wife found an escape route through this woman.... and if that's her need, she should get counselling if she doesn't want to break up her family. Also, if both of you went for marital therapy, you could find ways to re-structure your schedules - time with the kids, at work and time for yourselves together and on your own - that could be more satisfying to you both.

But that third person in your marriage has become too big an obstacle to work around. Things won't change or improve until she goes.

My husband and I, with our young kids, are moving to a smaller, modern house. When my in-laws moved to a condo, they gave us a couple of antiques. Over the years they bought us drapes and lovely carpets as gifts. We're now looking forward to having a fresh start and decorating the way we really want.

My mother-in-law is very upset about us getting rid of anything. My husband says it's our stuff; we should dispose of it the way we want. I say it's a terrible way of repaying her generosity. Storage is not an option.
Stuck

Yes, you owe your in-laws appreciation and respect. There are ways to show this without "getting rid of" everything they gave you.

Look through several décor magazines and you'll find that even the most modern homes show ingenuity and unique touches with the placement here and there of antique furnishings.... perhaps re-upholstered with a modern fabric, or, if wood, re-stained or simply polished and used as is to display contemporary objects or in contrast to modern art.

Develop your sense of style instead of your attitude to these gifts. Fine rugs look beautiful among any décor, but the few that simply don't work, along with the drapes, can be sold with the house so that his mom can still feel she contributed.

FEEDBACK In response to the gentleman concerned about the size of his penis (March 5):

Reader - "I dated a man for several years who was very small. He told me, "It's not the size of the pencil, but how you sign your name." I couldn't agree more.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother who found that her son, ten, was viewing hard-core porn on the family computer (March 8):
Reader - "Rather than going to Google for free Parental Controls software, she'd be better served by buying an internet security software.
"Many people find that "free"' ends up anything but. She should ask herself how much is it worth to have peace of mind and computer security concerning both her child and family."

There are several such programs for sale, as well as free ones. Every parent whose child has access to a computer should research what's available and check consumers' comments and friends' reactions to the ones they're using.