Eight months ago, I decided to separate from my partner of 17 years. He kept "our" son, 16, (he's mine, we met when I was pregnant). We get together for family holidays and there's no bitterness.

I'd wanted to have more kids and buy a house (I'm 33); he wanted to keep renting to be near his dad, didn't want more kids and wouldn't marry me. He's 58 and has already been married and divorced twice.

Through a dating website, I met someone my age four months ago. I said up front that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, and he agreed. He comes over late in the evening, and sleeps over.

Our conversations are only about light topics. Texting is only about when we're getting together again for sex.

I now want us to be dating seriously. It's too soon to say this to him directly, and he's starting to send signals that we're "sex only." How do I move him into a real relationship with me?

Still Lost 

It's not "too soon," it's too late. You've missed getting the other person's message, yet again.

With your ex, you believed that an older man long set in his ways would change everything he wanted.

Now, you've given this new guy just what he wanted - regular booty calls, nothing more - but suddenly you hope to upgrade him to dating seriously. Forget it. It's not going to happen.

There's nothing else between you, beyond the physical... no confiding, no cuddling, no expressed caring, not even the most basic communication.

In your next relationship (this one won't last) think ahead to what you really want in your life, and have the self-confidence and self-respect to go for it from the start.

I'm an American woman whose husband was transferred to London for his work. We packed up our whole family (four children), rented out our small-town home, and moved for what I believed was a three-year stint, at the most.

But my husband soon changed, and so did our lives. He left early, and stayed out late, claiming it was his industry's style there. On weekends, he golfed with clients.

I was stuck in a suburb where I knew no one, couldn't handle driving British-style, so was constantly on trains taking my children to their schools and activities.

I didn't find people welcoming. Actually, I was so annoyed at being stuck there, that I didn't act very interested, either.

When my husband announced that he'd signed on for five more years, I left with the kids. I was sure he'd miss us and come home.

But I soon heard through the company grapevine that a colleague became his live-in girlfriend within months. We've since divorced.

I keep wondering if it was a set-up. He denies it, but I find it suspicious that he found someone so easily and so fast. He used to travel for work to London fairly regularly, before we moved there. Was I played, and just too stupid to know it?

Swept Aside

It doesn't matter anymore. The marriage is over, the kids are with you, and still need their father in their lives if at all possible.

So focus on how that can work, as equitably and civilly as possible.

Worrying over whether you were "played" will only make you angry with yourself as well as him. It's a waste of the energy and confidence you need to re-establish and enjoy your life back home.

I'm 26, divorced for a year, and dating someone I like a lot. She spends a lot of time with me but she doesn't seem interested, romantically. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I take her to very nice places, buy her expensive gifts, and never pressure her for sex, because I want her to first end things with her old boyfriend.
However, she still hasn't ditched him, though she keeps promising she will. What should I do?

Frustrated

She already has what she wants from you... and it comes from your wallet, not your heart.

You should've seen the glint in her eyes, rather than listened to her promises of dumping the guy she clearly still wants.

Say that you cannot see her again, until she's free. But be prepared that with no gifts, no girl. It's highly likely that both she and her boyfriend have been enjoying the ride.