I invited another couple and their children to my cottage for a weekend; the wife's been my girlfriend since college days. Although her husband has always been somewhat aloof with me - perhaps because she and I had a history of double dating together before she met him - I thought we'd still have fun together.

But it turned into the visit from hell.

Her husband suddenly decided he had to work that Saturday, even though he'd originally said he was free. They arrived at midnight, without alerting me they wouldn't get there for the dinner we'd planned!

He wouldn't just relax...constantly calling out to their kids to not go in the lake (which was shallow and warm, and my kids were fine in it), not play on the beach (they'd get dirty!), and also starting fights with his wife over nonsense.

They finally had a major blow-up. He turned on me saying it was all my fault, and drove them all off in a huff by Sunday lunchtime. I'm still shocked and don't know what to say to my friend, or how to handle our friendship when she's married to such a JERK.

Nightmare Guests

This is going to be a Gal-Pal relationship only; even then, if she stays with the jerk, she may end up pulling away no matter what you do.

She has her hands full living with this guy, and she hasn't figured out how. He clearly didn't want to go to your cottage that weekend and, knowing him as she must, she should've backed out.

Meanwhile, his rudeness is wearing off on her...where was the phone call to alert you how late they'd be arriving?

Despite this lapse, wipe the bad weekend from your history as close friends and let things cool for awhile. Make your next get-together a girls' night out. Don't be surprised if she vents about her marriage...in which case, just listen and nod but make little comment. She hasn't left him yet, and may not ever do so.

My son, 39, is divorcing his third wife; yes, I know something's not right there, and it's him. He falls in love easily, ignores any red flags in the other person, hides his own warning signals of a bad temper, and plunges into marriage and having children till the relationship collapses.

It's his life to botch, but there are children left to suffer the consequences. We have four grandchildren from three mothers; all being raised differently, all missing their dad. The oldest child is ten; the others are from ages seven to toddler.

We try to stay involved with their mothers enough to see the kids and so far that's happening.

However, our son has his angry periods, which can create hostilities with his ex'es, and then they're not so welcoming to us. What can we do?

Devoted Grandparents

Look to your son, Mom - he needs professional help dealing with his anger, and his pattern of marriages, which he can't sustain. Your grandchildren's well-being and future security is greatly affected by their father's hit-and-run lifestyle. You can do a lot for them by helping him, beyond worrying about your access.

BUT, your steady devotion, interest and involvement IS also important. Stay on good terms with the mothers, no matter what; make no judgements. And be helpful whenever you can, so they see you as a positive part of their own lives, as well as the kids, not just as his parents.

My in-laws have a backyard swimming pool near where we live. They'll invite us over for a "late swim and dinner," maybe twice in the summer. Otherwise they visit our place almost every week; they're generous and good with the kids when they come.

But on hot summer days I'd love to take our young kids swimming there. When I hint about it, my MIL looks panicked and says she can't be "responsible." Yet my husband and I are both excellent swimmers. I don't get it.

Hot and Sweaty

Yes, you DO get it - they greatly fear letting the youngsters swim there, and you have to find another pool or beach to cool off.

Your husband may know more about this fear.... perhaps someone they know suffered a drowning incident in the past, which has them spooked. Whatever their reason, it's their issue, and their property to handle as they choose.